The Ramblings of a Somebody.

262. Birthdays.

2010-05-20T14:14:00.001-07:00

A birthday is one of the most special holidays in the world. I believe that every birthday should be celebrated to the fullest. This is an amazing video that shows how something very little can make someone feel very, very important. The power of love is so very awesome.

In Denmark, Mukhtar the bus driver had a birthday. He worked that day. His regular passengers had an idea. This is so special. Enjoy.

261. B.O.B.

2010-05-17T10:06:00.000-07:00

I forgot about music.

I forgot that music had a soul, had a voice, had a reason.

With all of the hype surrounded pop culture music today it's hard to find a reason to keep listening. One must search in order to find raw, uncut songs that contain talent. Autotune has killed music. Or has it made it better? In some ways more people listen to music now...however it's a very different scene before.

With all of this said...I bring you this. You might recognize two out of the three of these people. Both Andrew and Tori were on American Idol this season. Now...YouTube was their start...and that's where I began my journey with these two. When they came onto idol I already knew their music and capabilities. In my opinion, these two have some of the most raw talent one can have. AJ Rafael is also a YouTube sensation. The three of them came up with this and it's a nice breath of fresh air. Enjoy!

260. Hit it.

2010-05-03T12:45:00.000-07:00

I might be moving back to my tumblr starting this summer. This blog is getting eatin up by spambots and I don't really know how to fix all that. Maybe I'm lazy but maybe I just need a change of pace. Plus everyone seems to be on the tumblr ish and I can update it from the iPhone easier. Okay now here I go.

I been waitin around all year for the summer.
The fact that it's not here yet is a bummer.
I hear that there is more rain in the forecast - grab a number.
Got the whole block thinking how did she do it
I even have people who never knew me thinking through it.
Wake up each morning with a little shot of water
I leave the drinking and the smoking to people who have no alma-mater.
And you just got schooled.
Just because I have no formal training doesn't mean I'm fooled.
I don't really like parties.
The last time I went to one I came back smelling like bacardi...lemon.
It's seven, the clock moves so slowly
and all the people in this room live the life of a lowly-
one, and this is how it's done.
I have 27 poems that I've gotta rap into one.
I sent out my stuff to hear a reply from one
saying I think you can making just keep writing for fun.
So I sit inside my cave picking apart me coming undone.
And it's all for the art.
Never knew that once I started it would all just fall apart.
I sit and dream of one day everyone finishing and me still at the start.
I sit and dream of an island - one that I've named.
Different is what I strive for while you just stay the same
in the tight little group that makes the world just go insane
and I have no one to blame if I fail at this craft
I see a million others try to tread while I sit inside my raft
because I float with the best of em
I'm the flower you're the stem
You stay awake and I'm R-E-M -
deep dreamer, word screamer
girl wonder, wonder of words
never believe all of what you've heard
Don't try this at home unless you know
You're running out of places and this is the last to go.
Adios.

259. Music Spot.

2010-04-26T18:54:00.000-07:00

David Ryan Harris is and always has been one of my very favorite musicians. He is (in my opinion) an extremely underrated artist for all that he has accomplished and continues to do. His voice is pitch perfect and the guitar skills are incredible. David Ryan Harris has been one of John Mayer's right hand men for a long time. It's through Mayer that I discovered Harris' wonderful talent. This video is probably my favorite. I think I've posted it a while back on here but I'll post it again. Check out his music sometime. Enjoy!

258. Two..Two.

2010-04-15T22:02:00.000-07:00

A week from tomorrow I'll be 22. Remind me to post something insightful about my year as a 21 year old.

Happiness is...
- Creating my own summer break at the start of spring.
- Not quite knowing where the next adventure will be.
- Breakfast burritos.
- Iphone.
- Having the fever...you know...Bieber fever.
- Good hair days.
- The first burn (that turns into a tan) of spring.
- Kaitlynn being extremely smart.
- Finally finishing my credential packet.
- Watching The Office on Netflix.
- Birthday wish lists.
- Reading tweets (not tweeting).
- Sending poetry out..regardless if it comes back.
- Snail mail.
- Gmail.
- Receiving mail.
- Staying out of jail.
- Sun, clouds, a light breeze...no hail.
- Walking down the stairs being able to hold onto a rail.
- Believing that there is wind in your sails.
- Not having a tail.
- Having friends that don't bail.
- Enough of that long rhyming trail.
- Thinking I can beat box.
- Nostalgia.
- Waking up and realizing I have 2 more hours of sleep.
- Fresh sheets.
- Burberry.
- Lint rollers.
- Hearst Castle.
- Remembering how much I like the ocean.
- Disney museum and its ability to make me want to go to Disneyland.
- Thinking of the future (not too much).
- Family days.
- Australia.
- Loving the life I live..and living the life I love.

If you were confused on the break situation, I am taking my "summer" currently. I will hopefully begin my credential program in June which will have me in class full time as well as a job full time. This past quarter for school was overwhelming with 24 units so I decided that from April until graduation...I'm taking a "summer". I've been having a blast visiting people, hanging out, sleeping in, and finding time for myself. It's been nice being able to enjoy what's around me for the first time in a long time.

I went to Hearst Castle last week with Jen. We had a blast! Here are some pictures of my future home.

257. Skulls.

2010-04-01T22:47:00.000-07:00

I'm on the top of a mountain screaming panic how did this happen
and nobody knows me better than the one that I call captain.
This is cereal or serious now dammit I lost traction
I wish this was a muted scene somebody give me captions
to my life it seems so lost-
like my marbles in that thing called Hook.
Rufio was my first crush now I wouldn't take a second look.
My castle's ready my crown is on now all I need is chances
I try and try my heavy heart 1000 bad romances
Poker face like gaga but all I hear is blah blah
Kei$ha with her money sign tik tok got her the dollas.
Clocks and one hit wonders really make me wonder
Girl Wonder in the building scratch the lighting hear the thunder
from the beat- move your feet hear defeat on your part.
I beat you in the running race, hopped out my kicks you still at start.
Climb charts I will do
Smashin on you and you.
You stay planted on the ground
I stay planets - solar bound.

I heard this cypher rolling around on the internet. I wanted to hop on it because there were no females stepping in. I might actually record myself over the track once I download it. For now...it's written and it waits. Hasta.

256. Yep.

2010-04-01T10:05:00.000-07:00

Last quarter at school..
Six classes..
22 units..
Honor's List..

=]

Hard work pays off.

255. It's that time again.

2010-03-28T18:11:00.000-07:00

Happiness is...

- Spring break that lasts longer than a week.
- Being finished with college.
- Dog's when they don't bark.
- "Catch me if you can"
- The Amazing Race.
- Flaming Hot Funyuns.
- Spring weather.
- Checks from the state.
- Checks from the school.
- Express clothing.
- Ray-Bans.
- Easter brunch in a week!
- Sending in my credential packet.
- Secret graduation shoes.
- Flying in an airplane.
- Blogging.
- Finding great YouTube videos.
- Finding a new Weezy mixtape.
- Riding a razor scooter.
- Smelling scents that remind me of Georgia.
- Making jokes to good audiences.
- The Oakland grill.
- Walking around Jack London Square.
- Waking up and knowing I have about 3 more hours of sleep left.
- Bagel sandwiches.
- Riding in a car and having the warmth from the sun hit your skin.
- Noticing a tan (if only slightly).
- Grabbing peppermints from restaurants as I exit.
- Making up short poems and texting them to Jen during the day.
- Hugs after a long day.
- Not knowing the future - treating it like an adventure.
- Being caught up all on seasons of Weeds.
- Pad-Thai noodles.

Short but sweet. I'm happy, healthy, and on a crazy adventure. Hold on. =]

254. Yelp2

2010-03-26T10:35:00.000-07:00

Oh Yelp, you've done it again. =]

Happy Friday!

253. Lookie Lookie, I've got Hookie.

2010-03-22T20:11:00.000-07:00

Favorite movie of all time.

I just found this and I've falling completely in love. Every single thing you hear in this video is made from a sampling of Hook. Ah, bliss.

252. 5 Minutes.

2010-03-21T22:34:00.000-07:00

My mind grinds gears like friction
Yours carries addiction
to my words of imagination
and gee she just said her readings give off infatuation
and yes i'm just that good
yes i'm hungry for the food
of the brain
causing my inner workings to go insane
anything for the passion
like the christ in his action
for the miracle of life
gives off a different reaction
to my writings of wrongs
to my writings of right
and when will this be a writing of write?
it's sight that you need
that i bleed
off that good breed
i'm loyal to this paper
like i'm loyal to my stapler
that punches silver through the sheets
and as you tuck yourself away in those sheets
in your jammies
i am jamming on those pansies
i am writing on my notebook
on my iphone inner working
always working
always grinding
always blinding
worlds of wonder
words of wonder
wonder girl
wonder world
soulfool wonder
came with thunder
bang.

5 minute flow write before bed. Try it sometime. It's fun. You never know what you are going to get. Haha...this time it was whack but...what's done is done.

=] Have a good week.

251. Brush my teeth with a bottle of Jack.

2010-03-12T13:25:00.000-08:00

This is a video that accurately depicts what is going on with mainstream music today. Pretty funny video....pretty sad reality. Everyone knows if you're going to brush your teeth...do it with vodka...duh. Enjoy!

250. Friday.

2010-03-12T10:29:00.000-08:00

Have a spicy Friday.

249. Music Speaks.

2010-03-09T11:51:00.000-08:00

Recently I came across a video that made me reconsider how I am living my own life as a person today. Sometimes the day to day tasks at hand make it difficult to do something you love. I will preach this and definitely need to practice it more often. DO SOMETHING YOU LOVE EVERY DAY. If you don't...you're cheating yourself as well as others from the gifts you've been given.

This is a public school choir from Staten Island, New York. They are not from an art and music school, they are not a professional chorus in any way...they just love to sing. I believe that these kids are a true testament to following your dreams. These kids are in 5th grade. Watch closely. They have no shame and feel every piece of the music. Passion exudes from these kids. Usually...by 5th grade...this thing with hormones and fitting in comes into play. Most 5th graders I know wouldn't even want to shut their eyes for one moment while they sing in fear that another kid might see them actually enjoying the song. These kids are on a completely different level. Good for them and good for this choir teacher for teaching these kids to do what they love and love what they do. It shows.

Enjoy!

248. Breakfast.

2010-03-09T11:15:00.001-08:00

247. P O E M.

2010-03-04T11:12:00.000-08:00

It's dark outside and I kick the rocks
with rock in my ears as the pavement seems to steer
my love into the sunset.
That was hours ago.
Ever since you took off down that road I've been looking
and there isn't a time when I stopped cooking
recipes for your love,
but you just plum forgot to eat.
You weren't hungry even when I went and pressed reheat
and I wouldn't mind if the food was spoiled
but I made sure everything was fresh and boiled.
And I forgot that the world has other people
because you and I are the only ones that matter
to see what is the matter when my eyes swell up
and my tears trickle down
and I can't remember to smile because it's so natural to frown.
And where does love come from?
Where does it go when it's gone?
These are questions I have and I put them into a song.
How am I supposed to figure out when our hearts take a wrong...turn?
and this might burn but that's what we get for playing with fire
and I didn't mind until the flames became higher
because I can't control that.
You thought I could but I can't.
See somewhere along all the hate I cried
from past relations seemed to wither away and it died
and I buried the hatchet by writing my truths on tears
but when the smiles returned the truth disappeared
so am I living a lie or are you living in fear
because I can't see its blurry and you keep trying to clear
the rubble from the diamonds
the ashes from the pictures
and my past and dedication can be found in all my scriptures.
Look I'm sorry for all the things I did
I wasn't aware that me reinventing you would truly have me hid
and hey kid this wasn't the intention.
I need an intervention
I need you to see yourself for who is around you
because my home should be yours
and right now it's everybody's.
I share with four and it's a table for two
and each time you hold me tight my face turns blue.
I'm suffocating and this can't work when you're the one I thought I knew.
If home is where you are
then home is just too far
and If your house is where you stay
then my heart is too far away.
You've shared too much of you
I've stretched too much of me.
Please understand
that I need a savior
to connect the puzzle of Ashley.

I do have to give big ups to Victor. He jumpstarted this poem. Collabos always seem to be better. Thanks Victor.

Enjoy.

246. Yelp Humor

2010-03-03T11:57:00.000-08:00

Yelp usually has pretty funny update memos. This one from Yelp is genius. Especially because I am on a quest for a real jet pack to use one day. Enjoy what I found to be hysterical. Bravo Yelp.

245. A little happiness - no lists.

2010-03-02T12:06:00.001-08:00

Here's a little bit of Tuesday happiness that doesn't involve one of my long lists. Those are quite fun, however, I find this to be just as uplifting. I always knew I wasn't fond of pepsi for a reason. This proves it...small gestures go a long way with people. Oh...that...and free stuff. =] Enjoy!

244. Trouble Sleeping.

2010-03-01T14:08:00.001-08:00

I usually hate Mondays. Three classes back...to back...to back. This day doesn't end until 10 PM when I crawl through the door. Today my day became brightened when my first teacher cancelled class. Lucky me. Now I just have back to back classes ending at 10. I'll take it.

This is one of my favorite songs to relax to. Corrine Bailey Rae is so very talented in her writings. This cover of this song is actually one of my favs. The mics that they use are completely awesome. I have one in my room that I jam with all the time. Ch ch ch ch check da check it out. Happy Monday!

243. Jetpacks.

2010-02-20T10:35:00.000-08:00

Happiness is...

- Spring like days.
- Recees peanut butter crunch cereal.
- Iphone applications.
- Winter Olympics.
- Dinosaurs.
- Nostalgia.
- Accents.
- Zoe Saldana.
- Smelling pretty things.
- Big sandwiches from small delis.
- Documenting things.
- All things Disney.
- Watching Hook.
- Quoting lines from Hook.
- Testing Jen on quotes from Hook.
- Cold pillows.
- High fives.
- Shopping at Target for two things and coming home with seven.
- New electronic gadgets.
- Storytelling.
- Laughing.
- Wearing a short sleeved shirt.
- My joe boxer hot pepper pants.
- Shaun White.
- Reading people's twitter but not actually having a twitter.
- Wanting a twitter but never giving in.
- Reading a school book and finding out it's actually fantastic.
- Chicken noodle soup from togos.
- My car's stereo.
- Fresh haircuts.
- Wearing bracelets.
- Having expensive taste.
- Flaming hot funyuns.
- Burberry.
- Walking to class on a beautiful day.
- Knowing your favorite show is on at night.
- Talking to my sisters over texts.
- Taylor telling me she has something important to say over skype for just one minute....and keeping me for over an hour. (This has happened about 3 times..trickster).
- Reading blogs.
- Coming up with schemes to get rich or die trying.
- Tostadas.
- Youtube videos.
- Slurpees on a nice day.
- Dexter.
- The Office.
- Modern Family.
- Greys Anatomy.
- Crawling in your bed after a long day.

=] Have a fantastic weekend. These are the things that keep me going lately. What are some of yours?

242. Valentine's Day

2010-02-12T13:39:00.000-08:00

Happy Valentine's Weekend!

Enjoy yourself and be thankful for what and who you have to love in your own life.

This is a very creative video by a talented artist named Kina Grannis.

This is a little poem I wrote back about two years ago on Valentine's Day. It was a Valentine's Day that I ended up having four valentines to share it with. I'm not sure how it happened...but it turned out okay in the end. Not my proudest moment, but the poem is pretty funny.

Four on Fourteen

Back in november,
a month I barely remember
I was asked a silly question.
And I didnt have to question
my answer to the question...
I said yes,
with no stress and with ease
and apparently that word seems to please
knowing they were overseas and they would
seize the 14th with vigor.
Maybe I pulled the "yes" trigger.
Because after this nodding of my head
three more yes answers were said
Making me the busy body.
A song was written and I couldnt turn down a song
not when I made the beat to go along
with the lyrics
I had hoped they would ask me
so I could be...theirs.
This next one came as quite the surprise
as I hardly realize they are hurting at this moment
and needing more attention creating far too much
tension for the mind of a girl wonder
so I continue to wonder on how to fix the problem.
Not on the same page because they are topical
not tropical, not going places but filling spaces
with words and an occasional phrase making this seem like a
phase of time that I hardly have time for
and how did three turn into four?
It was when I acquired a tiny fish with the rhyme
I'm Clementine...I'm here to ask you to be my valentine.
And how could I say no to that it would have thrown them off track
but about to give me a heart attack.
Good good Lorrrd...
guess I scored.
I wont be bored...on day 14.
Is this mean? or is it a dream come true?
Because I'm not being true to the few that asked me to be theirs
and not other people's...
I treat them not so equal
putting two first and one second
wait one second because its getting confusing
I'm sure aching for a bruising.
So I'm sorry if on day 14 I'm hiding or MIA
I just cant cause any more confusion for my day.
I wish I had just one...that would be fun...
but I have four.

=] whoops.

Haha, peace and blessings.

241. Trying.

2010-01-25T10:33:00.000-08:00

"After a many-month stint of being hard on myself for not writing as much as I felt I should be, Tim Sanders, on a walk around Greenlake in Seattle, reminded me that I wasn't gonna pour out a satisfying poem every time I sat down to type. He told me to just go write and not be afraid of writing something that sucks." - Buddy Wakefield.

So here's my comeback. I always enjoy reading that quote...as it gives me sort of a reassurance that the only person placing expectation on me is me.

WAY OF THE WORLD

It's the way of the world
such a pity the falling of a stand up girl.
Tears of experience drip on lined paper
and the dreams of tomorrow wash away without see you later.
And can anything be greater than hearing a clock
knowing time keeps going and you haven't a clue what you've got.
See I'm a jealous girl when it comes to the world,
We've punched and danced and screamed and twirled
but the funny part about the earth
is our one certainty is our gift of birth.
We wobble and tangle the knots of our future
and spend the rest of the time unwinding our suture.
Like surgeons we rise to every deathly occasion,
and I dust my knees off after every abrasion.
Nothing is certain and nothing seems real
unless you count charm, wit, and sex appeal.
I tend to count them out as truth is underrated,
and if honesty was a person then I'm sure we would have dated.
As I sit on the concrete writing in the rocks
to rock my own globe with my freshest pair of ankle socks
and poems from my mind.
All i want is time
All I have is a gun
I'm under it
Tick
Tick
Tick
Cry no more and lick my sore pick myself from off the floor and I need to go explore.
Nothing is handed and I'll lend my hand,
my future is as certain as a wall made out of sand.
Keep believing in my talent
Keep believing in my rhymes
Tick tock my watch blew up and I no longer see the time.

I guess it's just the way of the world.

240. I wish I wrote this.

2010-01-22T08:24:00.000-08:00

This is so funny. To whoever did this: you're amazing.

I really should have written this. But since I didn't...thank you to the world wide web for letting me snatch it up and laugh about it.

239. The nonsense of English

2009-12-17T14:23:00.000-08:00

So clever and true. Enjoy!

238. Sunday Inspiration.

2009-12-13T19:48:00.000-08:00

"I’ve learned that no matter what happens, or how bad it seems today, life does go on, and it will be better tomorrow. I’ve learned that you can tell a lot about a person by the way he/she handles these three things: a rainy day, lost luggage, and tangled Christmas tree lights. I’ve learned that regardless of your relationship with your parents, you’ll miss them when they’re gone from your life. I’ve learned that making a “living” is not the same thing as making a “life.” I’ve learned that life sometimes gives you a second chance. I’ve learned that you shouldn’t go through life with a catcher’s mitt on both hands; you need to be able to throw something back. I’ve learned that whenever I decide something with an open heart, I usually make the right decision. I’ve learned that even when I have pains, I don’t have to be one. I’ve learned that every day you should reach out and touch someone. People love a warm hug, or just a friendly pat on the back. I’ve learned that I still have a lot to learn. I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel."

-Maya Angelou

237. Too long.

2009-12-01T15:52:00.000-08:00

Happiness is...

- Being lovesick.
- One more week of classes.
- One more quarter of college.
- Full Throttles.
- Unexpected texts.
- First Christmas movie of the season.
- Old pictures.
- Glee.
- Tea.
- Things for free.
- Not bumblebees.
- Bright orange and yellow trees.
- The cool winter breeze.
- New shirts for 10 bucks.
- New jobs.
- Fighting myself for sleep.
- Red sweater.
- Family dynamics.
- People watching.
- Words with friends- haaay iphone.
- Home cooked meals.
- Emails.
- Vegetables.
- Tree lightings.
- Feel good movies.
- Compliments and smiles from random folk.
- Seeing both my sisters for an entire week.
- Love...in all its forms.

Yes..sappy happy post. I become a tree in winter. Maybe the cold has me warm and fuzzy inside. Ironic.

Things not so happy this week:

- Finals.
- Final projects.
- No food in the house.
- The economy.

Bad news = I had to write bad news. Good news = there is more happy than bad. With that...I call it a win.

Enjoy the next few months. Good luck with finals. I'll try and come on here more. I lag. =]

Peace & Blessings

236. The neverending X

2009-11-17T15:09:00.000-08:00

The never ending X has two very straight lines
and sometimes...they seem to me very crooked.
The never ending X and I've bet you already guessed
has two different sides.
Right side is gentle, hurt and weeping
and that damn X has every heavy heart keeping
watch for the watch that tells the time of self pity.
Left side is angry, hurtful and mean
and I mean bitter- for the better of the X's life
came out of hardship, distraught, and strife.
The never ending X is a pain in my side
with its never ending lines I'll take infinity in strides
because I'm not sure if this X can be cured.
You see, the X who plays the fool will get caught quick
unless the spell you're under has you closer than a BIC
good shave poor grave for you've dug a deep one and I suppose I'll call you brave.
The never ending X is a monster of a letter.
The precious lines continue on and the game keeps getting better.
Feeling bad for the growth is all part of the plan
until birthday presents, christmas cards, and flowers overwhelm the fan-
because that stuff just hit it
and now I continue on as though I can't quit it.
The never ending X has never gone away
and it's now been almost three hundred and sixty five days.
Friend or foe it's sunk so low I can't grow and I can't know
what comes next...
X is first best with its
never ending lines
perfect memory times
keeping the most important person blind.
I am not blind clever X and I will catch you.
For you and I haven't had the chance for me to say everything I plan to.
Never ending X you keep on growing
and I keep on knowing that this...
that this...
that you...
can never disappear.

235. Autotune.

2009-11-13T13:50:00.000-08:00

This is the most unique video I've seen in a while. Funny how autotune makes people sound like stars. Makes you reconsider what you're doing still in school when you could easily have a hit record by singing into an autotune microphone. Haha, regardless...I hope you enjoy this as well as your weekend. =]

234. Miles Apart

2009-11-03T10:56:00.000-08:00

This is a song about being apart from anyone you care deeply about. Just a reiteration about the love that is held between those very miles...making it seem not very far away at all! Ironic that this video was conducted miles apart..one guy on the west side and one guy on the east side. Eebsofresh has become on of my favorite artists lately (the singer). Hope you enjoy this as much as I did. As he put it....ya this video is short...but so is life...enjoy it for what it is...not what it isn't. =]

233. The Figure a Poem Makes

2009-11-01T22:27:00.000-08:00

No tears in the writer, no tears in the reader. No surprise for the writer, no surprise for the reader. For me the initial delight is in the surprise of remembering something I didn't know I knew. I am in a place, in a situation, as if I had materialized from cloud or risen out of the ground. There is a glad recognition of the long lost and the rest follows. Step by step the wonder of unexpected supply keeps growing. The impressions most useful to my purpose seem always those I was unaware of and so made no note of at the time when taken, and the conclusion is come to that like giants we are always hurling experience ahead of us to pave the future with against the day when we may Want to strike a line of purpose across it for somewhere. The line will have the more charm for not being mechanically straight. We enjoy the straight crookedness of a good walking stick. Modern instruments of precision are being used to make things crooked as if by eye and hand in the old days.

I tell how there may be a better wildness of logic than of inconsequence. But the logic is backward, in retrospect, after the act. It must be more felt than seen ahead like prophecy. It must be a revelation, or a series of revelations, as much for the poet as for the reader. For it to be that there must have been the greatest freedom of the material to move about in it and to establish relations in it regardless of time and space, previous relation, and everything but affinity. We prate of freedom. We call our schools free because we are not free to stay away from them till we are sixteen years of age. I have given up my democratic prejudices and now willingly set the lower classes free to be completely taken care of by the upper classes. Political freedom is nothing to me. I bestow it right and left. All I would keep for myself is the freedom of my material-the condition of body and mind now and then to summons aptly from the vast chaos of all I have lived through.

- Robert Frost

Oh Robert, you will always have a piece of my heart.

232. Update happy.

2009-10-06T14:54:00.000-07:00

Shalom!

Sorry there hasn't been an update in a while. Also sorry for updates with just youtube videos. It's kind of all I have time for lately. Between school and burned Kaitlynn things have been quite crazy here. Update? School is crazy and good all at the same time. Credential apps might be the death of me...and my wallet. Kaitlynn is alive and well minus burns. It's been nice being with her these past few weeks. It's God awful that it's under these circumstances but nevertheless I'm thankful for the time. Hopefully this will help your Tuesday!

Happiness is...
- iPhone apps.
- specifically "I am Tpain".
- school three days a week.
- people who bring pineapple cakes for kaitlynn.
- candy because people bring kaitlynn lots of it.
- glee.
- modern family.
- police women of broward county.
- top chef.
- so you think you can dance.
- mia michaels oh yes.
- juniper bringing me food on my school break.
- vaseline lotion for men.
- full throttles.
- cold weather.
- sweatshirts.
- pumpkin spice latte.
- disneyland in december.
- bringing kaitlynn masks from target.
- slippers to class.
- speeches from the Tlingit tribe.
- carpooling.
- Oprah.
- sleeping in.
- power points being online.
- iced coffee in the afternoon.
- seeing the sun when you wake up.
- cooper when he doesn't bark.
- learning new things about my iphone.
- wanting to escape and having it become a reality soon.
- everyday being one day closer to graduation.
- mexxis food for dinners.
- chipotle lime chips.
- longboards.
- cupcake earrings.
- drives home from long days.
- lights anywhere.
- organizing my room.
- swimming.
- talking to awesome people.
- bread.
- soup and bread.
- soup in bread...bowls.
- shorts with sweatshirts.
- this youtube....

aaaaand I'm done. Be thankful for what you have and who you have. Say thank you a little more often to whatever or whoever you believe in. It will be worth it...trust me.

Peace&Blessings.

231. Get it Alice.

2009-09-22T22:04:00.000-07:00

Amazing remix. I'm so grooving right about now. Oh and before it's too late...welcome Fall! First day of fall was today. Now we just need the weather to catch up because apparently it forgot.

Enjoy!

230. Unwrapping rapping.

2009-09-22T10:56:00.000-07:00

So as you know I fully admit to loving YouTube. I go on it for just about everything and it amuses me for hours on end. I do have my select favorites that I check up on close to everyday. I love when collabos happen. These two are almost pushing it for the 3 and 4 spot of my favs. The top 2 are a secret. Here we have Kat Badar and Timothy De la Ghetto. Go check both of them out on their separate channels. Kat has this super amazing voice and Tim is hilarious and can actually spit pretty well. Maybe I should write something for him and send it in. And yes...I'm on a first name basis with them. Look at me giving nicknames like "Tim". Hope you enjoy!!

229. Fall 09

2009-09-15T15:29:00.000-07:00

With school starting up for most people I decided to do a little Fall 2009 blog. I like giving people a taste of what I'm into during each and every season. I change my mind a lot so if I do this season by season you might be able to keep up. This is in no way a fashion blog. This is primarily a place where I am telling you what I will be sporting...things that I love!

Shoes:
I love shoes. Anyone who knows me knows that I spend all the money I can on the newest and freshest pair of kicks. I may not be all that fashionable, but when it comes to my kicks I like to think I have a pretty fresh hand (or foot in this case) in the game. Here are my must haves for Fall 09.

These are the Nike Dunks Hi in nylon. I've outgrown a lot of my Nikes except for my air max 95's but when I saw these on a friend last winter I've been on a hunt ever since. I couldn't pull these off with anything but sweats. It's a shoe that is so comfy and so ready for winter. The nylon makes these shoes water resistant. Imagine sweats with the all black Nikes in the pouring rain. Look fresh even when its pouring. I like it.

These are Globe Motley in black denim. I'm not a huge skate shoe fan except for vans but these caught my eye and I picked them up in early summer for a decent price. I've only worn them once to get the feel because I'm waiting for fall to bust them out. My favorite part is the copper trim.

These are the Del Barco low Vans in olive green. Vans has completely stepped up their line of shoes for the Fall season. So many brands are now heading in the direction of the boat shoe and I for one completely digg it. These haven't come out yet but as soon as they do I am really going to consider picking up a pair.

Last but certainly not least we have the peacoat Vans. I was hesitant to even put this shoe out here because I am kind of selfish when it comes to my kicks. However I couldn't resist showing off my newest find for Fall. These have also not come out yet but I will definitely be finding them as soon as they do. It's like a jacket...for your feet!

Jackets & Hoodies:
I'm a huge fan of jackets and sweatshirts during fall and winter months. You can't go wrong with a comfy sweatshirt to help you get through a boring class. I don't have much of a style when it comes to these things...I'm more of a comfort girl.

This is my new zip up hoodie from tillys. They are pretty cheap and come in awesome colors. Juniper got a purple one and I picked up this pretty blue one! I will be getting more of these if they hold up nicely.

This rain jacket by Columbia has helped me through many a storm. I like it because it has a fleece lining inside and drawstrings everywhere to keep the jacket super tight. I wear it over everything during rain season.

Shirts and Longsleeves:
I lost my love for graphic tee's this summer. For some reason I only wore v-necks this summer. I think the comfort of a v-neck, the style, and the choices definitely made me a happy camper. They can be dressed up or down and I'm excited to wear them under jackets this Fall. Longsleeves I can't wait to pull out. Thermals are going to be a must for me this coming season.

Vneck forever. My favorite (cheap) v-necks?...Target!

Thermals with buttons are going to be my thing. Target for the win..again. =]

Pants:
I love jeans. Sweats and jeans are what I'm all about.

Bullhead skinny jeans are my favorite. They fit right and aren't too baggy for my liking. I'm not a huge fan of tight jeans, but I also can't stand baggy jeans. I've searched long and hard for the right jean and bullhead skinny seems to be the winner. They've got so many colors and its a good thing.

There ya have it! Hope you enjoyed this post as much as I enjoyed creating it. =]

228. Lucky Miss D.

2009-09-14T21:17:00.000-07:00

Happiness is..
- Videos such as the one above.
- Caesar chicken.
- Unexpected cash.
- Monday Night Football.
- Wool pea coat vans.
- My cupcake earrings.
- Juniper staying with me all weekend without fail.
- Lucy and her cute pug face.
- Skype sesh with Taylor.
- Dancing like no one's watching.
- Writing a really good story in your head.
- Pretending your in a movie sometimes. (try it if you haven't..it's fun).
- A nice shower.
- Old Spice deodorant.
- Zours.
- Nike sweats.
- My iphone 3GS.
- Grieves.
- Good blogs. The type that make you want to experience better days and be lively enough to write about them.
- Co-Co puffs and having Juniper share them with me in the morning.
- V-neck shirts.
- Finding thermals with buttons for winter.
- Being excited for Halloween to arrive.
- Candy corn on my table.
- Olive green jansports.
- Backpacks in general.
- New seasons of shows coming back on.
- Out of town family.
- Workout time.
- Unexpected rain.
- Grad school apps.
- Knowing I'll have a BA in June.
- Singing in the rain.
- Temperpedic beds.
- The VMAs minus Kanye.
- Jay Z and his new album.
- Pretzels.

Have a great week. Peace & Blessings.

227. Inbox Hope.

2009-09-08T00:17:00.000-07:00

May 18th, 2008 I received a letter in my inbox. It was long and detailed...with no stronger intention then the simple fact of saying hello. A small portion of the letter continues to uplift me each and every time I read it.

"I just wanted you to know that you are amazing. Every one else is thinking it, they would just feel weird saying it randomly. Trust me. The world thinks you are fantastic and we're all blessed that there are people like you around to make it that much better for us.

... So thanks. =]"

The purpose of me posting this is not for self recognition. I suppose it is more for inspiration. I do believe that there is at least one person for everyone that uplifts us more than we can possibly do ourselves. It's often hard to live in a world of competition and expectation. If every person received an email like I did last year...we would save it, glance at it on our bad days, and remember that at least one person believes we are making a difference through our own personal storm. Bottom line...try and be happy. I know that when I read over that line in my email I sure want to live up to the standard they feel I am personally accomplishing. Then I often take a step back and realize that by simply being me...I am doing exactly that. Rock on and live on. Make yourself proud...that's most important. I mean that.

Thanks friend...wherever you are. I suppose you're the inspiration to this post.

=]

226. Michael.

2009-09-02T23:12:00.000-07:00

Man if this would have been the type of stuff we did, I would have never stopped choir. Wait...did I say I was in choir? Haha, cats out of the bag. Enjoy!

225. Inspiration.

2009-08-31T22:22:00.000-07:00

This is absolutely incredible. Take time to watch this if you can. I actually liked this song when it first came out by Kanye. Then everybody started covering it and it turned me off a little bit. The Fray has managed to turn this into a true piece of art and revamp the song completely for me. Kudos to them. Hope you get something strong out of it like I did. Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful.

224. Surprised?

2009-08-23T17:55:00.001-07:00

I'm back. It didn't take long and you probably already knew I would return. I thought I could move but I suppose this silly thing is a part of me now. Welcome back to me. Welcome back to you.

Happiness is...
- video chatting with taylor.
- eating queso with kaitlynn.
- juanitas.
- the smell of rain on pavement.
- so you think you can dance.
- mia michaels.
- mia michaels.
- mia michaels.
- sonic commercials.
- when autumn and halloween decor go on display in stores.
- getting fun mail sent to my house for me.
- christmas cookies.
- singing made up songs about my days.
- when taylor tells me she misses me.
- when kaitlynn tells me she misses me.
- the sound of a single acoustic guitar.
- rainy evenings with too much tivo to be had.
- soup in bread bowls.
- toasted bagels and cream cheese.
- people watching at the airport.
- strangers who smile at me.
- the start of a new season.
- eating outside at a restaurant.
- reading old journal entries and laughing at myself.
- being able to laugh at myself.
- yogurtland.
- being able to cook with no deadline.
- ice coffee.
- making ridiculous faces to jen over skype and making her laugh.
- finishing a book that makes me sigh.
- any sandwich.
- receiving a genuine compliment.
- knowing i am a senior in college.
- a good pair of sweats (or sweat shorts).
- cold days.

Can you tell I'm ready for fall? =]

Peace & Blessings.

223. Goodbye.

2009-06-21T18:43:00.000-07:00

Dear blog,
I've decided to take my ramblings and move elsewhere. It's not you...it's me. I....I've found someone else. They just...get me. I hope you will understand and maybe someday we could even be friends. I just think that right now this space is needed. Take care...I wish you all the best.

Always real,
Ashley

Wanting to know who the "other blog" is? Welp...I suppose you should just copy and past this link and see where it takes ya.

http://girlwonderfool.tumblr.com/

I can't give TROAS up forever. Maybe just for now. I guess we shall see how this goes.

Peace and Blessings.

222. Quick Update-

2009-06-12T14:42:00.000-07:00

-School is officially out for summer.
-I'm officially a college senior.
-That is officially scary.
-It's a tad depressing that summer's here and there is no sign of the sun.
-I chopped off all my hair.
-Work starts Monday.
-Tonight I become a door monitor.
-Tomorrow I start my reading excursion for the summer.
-I think I want a twitter account.
-Here's the inspiration for that thought:

Haha, genius.

Peace&Blessings.

221. Pizzzzza.

2009-06-07T20:06:00.000-07:00

I dislike pizza.

I enjoy music.

I suppose the pizza girl would be fun to meet.

What do you get what you combine all of these things?

A song which has no deeper meaning beyond the fact that the Jonas brothers fell in love with the pizza girl...and now they eat pizza everyday.

This rendition is much better than the original. Although the very first time those three curly headed boys sang that song it was in my head for days.

*Note to self: Write a catchy song with no more than 50 words that I will repeat over and over. Product = millions of dollars. Product #2: happy ashley.

Enjoy!

220. Keep me awake.

2009-05-20T00:49:00.000-07:00

1. Everyone is having finals. Everyone...except me. I tried convincing every single one of my professors to have finals this week that way we all get an extra two weeks of summer. They told me their jobs would then be on the chopping block. I was going to argue that the budget cut has already almost completely done that for them unintentionally. I kept my mouth shut. Yet...that's pretty true. Oh...and a bummer.

2. Taylor graduates Sunday. What? My little sister is graduating high school. She's leaving for Chico in August and I'm now understanding why my parents did what they did with us. They have three daughters in college and earning degrees. Pat on the back Stass and Mike. At 21 I finally get it. Taylor will figure this out someday as well...and you'll get more thank you's.

3. Writing has become a hidden talent that everyone forgot about...including me. I wish I had more time to write. That's a lie...I have the time...but I think I lost my heart somewhere back when writing became a chore. I read a book by Buddy Wakefield and he wrote that he writes even if it sucks. I think I should follow his lead. I think.

4. Weddings have a potential fun sign over them. I'm not a huge fan of settling and maybe that's why they freak me a little. Food, dancing, love. Eh...then again...what's wrong with them again? ;)

5. My hair is unruly. I believe it to have a mind of its own and I would enjoy it getting chopped really soon. I would prefer this event occur before I am going to be attending events that people actually stare at me. Contrary to popular belief, I do care what people think. I know I know...individualistic me just got run over by the 2009 society we call the majority.

6. Banana nut cheerios make for a good breakfast...and dinner. Who can diet when there's a cereal sale at target 90% of the time? If it has banana in the title, does that mean it's a little healthy for you? Don't give me the answer if its no.

7. In two weeks I will officially be a senior in college.

8. Kaitlynn is coming home soon. Then she will leave again in August just like she always does. Only this time, Taylor will also leave. How come I feel backwards? And how come my path doesn't come with a new place to rest my head? I suppose this is the end of me feeling sorry for myself.

9. I can't wait until work begins. This means I can delve into new literature and finally separate voluntary reading from textbook reading.

10. "There is no sadder sight than a young pessimist, except an old optimist" - Mark Twain.

219. In B Flat

2009-05-17T19:05:00.000-07:00

This is quite amazing. Blew my mind. Its a spoken word/music project that was used as a demo. Two guys asked frequent youtube users and musicians to submit a musical piece in b flat. It couldn't be too flashy, loud, or have much rhythm. The point was to flow well with other people's mixes. The site has gotten pretty popular. Have fun with it. I played them all at once and it was incredible. You can play one at a time...2 at a time...all of them...doesnt matter. Adjust their volumes if you want one instrument to be the lead. Pretty dope. Enjoy!

www.inbflat.net

218. Disney.

2009-05-14T14:22:00.000-07:00

What's better than having your second class cancelled?

Having the class before it end an hour early.

With all this free time I suppose I'll share this. Ah Disney, how you constantly bring me back to places I wished I had never had to leave. I used to know Ariel. She swam far away though. Anywho...enjoy enjoy enjoy!

Peace, Blessings, and Disney.

217. A Diamond in the Rough

2009-05-04T15:04:00.000-07:00

In late 2006 I was searching for a new artist to add to my collection of extraordinary acoustic/alternative songs that I wish I had written. I stumbled across a man named Jason Reeves and checked out his music. At the time, he was relatively unknown. His music was crazy amazing and caught my ear instantaneously. Through him I was able to find other wonderful artists such as Colbie Caillat (before she became mainstream) and enjoyed their music as underground independent artists. I wrote Jason a few times expressing my thanks and appreciation for his unique writing stylings as well as ability to hit home with so many of the songs he had written. He was gracious enough to respond every single time and encourage me to continue listening as he was pursuing his dreams and being thankful for every single minute of it. If you've ever ridden in a car with me, you know that Jason Reeves appears on numerous cds that I own and I will emphatically express my love for his music for hours on end to you. Today in the midst of my work I came across this video. Kara DioGuardi is amazing and influential and for her to recognize Jason as a key player in the upcoming music industry means everything. I digg both of them. I also digg this song. Enjoy. =]

You by the light
Is the greatest find
In a world full of wrong
You're the thing that's right

Finally made it through the lonely
To the other side

You said it again
My heart's in motion
Every word feels like a shooting star
I'm at the edge of my emotions
Watchin' the shadows burnin' in the dark

And I-I-I'm in love (I'm in love)
And I-I-I'm terrified
For the first time
And the last time
In my only life, life

This could be good
It's already better than that
And nothing's worse than knowing you're holding back

I could be all that you needed
If you let me try

You said it again
My heart's in motion
Every word feels like a shooting star
I'm at the edge of my emotions
Watchin' the shadows burnin' in the dark

And I-I-I'm in love (I'm in love)
And I-I-I'm terrified
For the first time
And the last time
In my only life, life

I only said it
'Cause I mean it (ohhhh)
I only mean it
'Cause it's true (ohhhhh)

So don't you tear
What i've been dreaming
'Cause it keeps me up
It holds me close
Whenever I'm without you

You said it again
My heart's in motion
Every word feels like a shooting star o
I'm at the edge of my emotions
Watchin' the shadows burnin' in the dark

And I-I-I'm in love (I'm in love)
And I-I-I'm terrified
For the first time
And the last time
In my only life, life

216. Shadows

2009-05-01T11:05:00.000-07:00

"Admit it, you wanted to be an artist. But everything inside you got scared and creativity doesn't come with a harness"

I should get back to writing. I was way more centered. Guess I must wait until something grabs me again. Writing if you're hiding...don't worry, I'll find you.

I should find myself first.

215. 21 in T minus...

2009-04-22T15:29:00.000-07:00

ehhhh like 9 hours. =]

I share a birthday. I've always shared a birthday. I've never felt what it feels to have a day solely to myself. Then again, when you think about it...everyone shares a birthday with someone. Whether that person be your best friend (by coincidence), a neighbor down the street, or a stranger halfway across the globe...we share days. I am fortunate enough to have my special day be with someone who has always been close to me...literally, figuratively, lalala. My twin...Kaitlynn...shares my birthday. It's kind of a cool concept really. When we were younger it meant double the presents, double the cake, and double the birthday song (and lets be honest...who doesn't like that birthday song...especially at that high note towards the end that no one can ever seem to hit..but sung in unison it creates a beautiful melody that erupts in joyous harmony). I digress...getting older was fun as well. I'd wish Kaitlynn a happy birthday and know that she would wish it right back to me. I often run around the house screaming for an entire minute starting at 10:51 PM and ending at the start of 10:52 PM...for I am, in that minute, older than Kaitlynn. For example, at 10:51 PM tomorrow...I will be 21...and Kaitlynn will be 20...if we are doing things logistically that is. Following my pattern...I will be 21. Yes, 21...legal. Starting tomorrow I can legally buy alcohol for the little kids down the street. Notice how I said can...as in choice...as in I will NOT be partaking in that act (although the concept seems so thrilling to me in slighted manner). For the first time in 21 years...I won't be spending my actual birthday with Kaitlynn. I guess that means no double presents, no double cake, and no double birthday song. I like being nostalgic and remembering birthdays with Kaitlynn because I'm not quite sure I'm ready to have one without her. The day will move and as soon as I see her Saturday all will be forgotten until the following year...but I'll still miss it.

What I'm truly getting at here is that I am lucky. I am lucky to share a birthday with someone who knows me better than anyone. So while tomorrow, for the first time, I will celebrate my birthday without Kaitlynn...giving me a true taste of a day solely to myself, I will still be thinking of it as her birthday...our birthday. It's kind of fun to wish someone else Happy Birthday on your actual birthday. So with that said, Happy Birthday Kaitlynn. Tomorrow I will miss you, but I am ever thankful and blessed to share my...our very special day.

214. ....

2009-04-05T21:37:00.000-07:00

Someone called me the luckiest...girl...in the world.
I told them to hold up
slow up
blow up
back up
and understand that although luck has come my way this day
it hasn't always been so fruitful, if you will.
But I will- take advantage of this situation
I've chosen to write right words after much deliberation.
The sun comes through my window and I breathe the sigh of relief
as it's in my belief to understand that I have the whole world..in my arms.
There you are lying on my shoulder
as I am the blanket when your world becomes colder
hoping silently that this can still be a portrait as we get older.
And I want to let you know that if my life were a book
you would be my favorite chapter
and I would not give a damn about the pages that came before or after...or
the authors note in the beginning
which would have me singing
your favorite song
in melodies that have never been heard because
when I'm with you I feel feelings that have never been felt
causing my insides to begin to melt
and my heart feeling a tad sappy and-
I once promised that sappiness was only for the trees
but a sudden light breeze has me questioning why I ever
gave that right only to the forests-
for us...is something so sappy in the air
that even "being green" cant honestly compare.
So I stay with being blue.
And not being blue in the sense that I'm sad-
being blue in the sense that if you had to pick your favorite color
that's the one you would grab
and I would want you to be with me so..
I pick blue.
And if I had to run around the world twice to show my dedication
I would do it three times without any hesitation,
rush back into your arms after
and recite the longest dissertation on how everything I just witnessed
three times around this earth...
couldn't compare to anything that I know you are worth.
Look, I think you're wonderful and I'm so blessed to stand with you
I wish I had the courage to say everything I planned to.
I speak in front of hundreds having conversations that are new
about feelings, emotions, relationships and act like they already knew.
I then come home look in your eyes, get lost, and hundreds turn to two-
turn to you- my favorite who- I speak about to the hundreds.
Just know that even when I get nervous-
hundreds are just strangers
who read and listen and endanger
their ears and eyes for some poor sap who needs an audience.
But you..
you are my night sky and all the stars that fill it.
You are the street lamps that guide my way home so well lit.
You are the sunny days, the actual sun rays,
and the lemonade that cools the heat down on those hot summer days.
You are the inspiration to the poem-
the one that I call home,
resting on my shoulder as my once hard body turns to foam.
Once more I look out my window as the day is welcomed through-
just know you're everything I ever meant to say...
I find myself...through you.

213. Mean it.

2009-04-05T17:23:00.001-07:00

You Belong To Me - Jason Wade

212. Where I need to be.

2009-04-03T18:35:00.000-07:00

"Being an intellectual creates a lot of questions and no answers. You can fill your life up with ideas and still go home lonely. All you really have that really matters are feelings. That's what music is to me." - Janis Joplin

Aloha and Happy Friday. Airborne is the new water. First week of school was a success. My birthday is in 20 days. I turn 21. Coldstone is in my near future. I want to skateboard around the house. Aloha.

211. School is...

2009-03-31T12:28:00.000-07:00

not quite here yet...minus my online class. Thursday starts the madness once more.

Happiness is...

- 2 week spring break.
- crackberry updates.
- POS third CD.
- Wizards of Waverly Place.
- Captain Crunch.
- Spring weather.
- Sandwiches.
- Wii fit.
- Getting fit.
- Game boy...color.
- Agua.
- Phineas and Ferb.
- The color orange.
- Birthday month!
- Target and it's magical ways.
- V-neck shirts.
- Banana nut Cheerios.
- Kite flying.
- Lunch in a park.
- Cupcakes.
- Ferry rides to the city.
- Pier 39.
- Making new friends.
- Clean laundry.
- Clean room.
- Clean car.
- Street fighter.
- Hot chocolate.
- New notebooks.
- Buying cheap books.
- Fruit.
- American Idol sometimes.
- Quentin and our adventures.
- Learning to play poker and other card games.
- Rummikub.
- Grey's Anatomy.
- Car wash.
- Monsters vs. Aliens.
- Making up songs.
- Tacos.
- Sweaters even though it's too hot to wear them now.
- Sunglasses.
- Days off.
- Naps.
- Thai anything.
- Wanting a longboard.
- Jking.
- Cassaud.
- Taylor and her text jokes.
- Jello.
- Turning 21 in less than a month.
- Pizza when it's thai.
- Drawing Phineas.
- Selena Gomez.
- Gum.
- Fun times.
- Good rhymes.
- Green slime.
- The band sublime.
- Zodiac signs.
- Perfectly straight lines.
- Really good mimes.
- =]

210. Goodbye Spring Break...

2009-03-29T21:58:00.001-07:00

Hello Spring Quarter.

Can you just look at me. I mean, all of me? Because I can't lie to you and say that half of what you know is what you love. Sometimes I need that; someone being a professional at hide and go seek to find the rest of what I hide behind the abundance of what I claim as unimportant to even myself which causes you to forget. Truth be spoken, even though it becomes less important to you, I hope you do it anyway. I used to think that an exclusive tongue would save me from a tyrant, but they still come. 1 does not turn into 100 regardless of how powerful the wave and sun and healing. Secret truth is my palms often claim my face like stitches, only in comfortable silence and night hours that would send vibrations back through the now tear catching fingertips; however, my heart, more than eardrums, loves to listen, so it spilled a cup once over – so slow was I to recollect those recollections of a voice inside you screaming your held tight past. Once, I thought “I love to like you, but I’d like to love you less because unless you have for me a broken piece of you to stay the night, I won’t if that’s all I have to offer you.” But broken is as broken does my doings, so I’ll depart a dusty shelf willing to spring clean, and break my spine to numbered pages. And read me, like you do so well even when your eyes are closed. If you do wish, as I wish you do...grab your greatest pair of binoculars and stare for hours even if it is all pretend so I will know - that you are looking- or in some fashion...trying to.

209. Marching sideways.

2009-03-24T11:07:00.000-07:00

Until you find yourself, its impossible to lose you
Uh..because I never had you...
Although I would be glad to..
I probably go and tattoo..your name on my heart,
I swear
I start,
To think,
That I'm going crazy.

208. WebMD.

2009-03-24T09:28:00.000-07:00

Taylor is quite sick. Quite sick meaning a fever ranging from 102-104 for the past 4 days. It's not a cold...or the flu...so we aren't quite sure what she has come down with. Luckily I am on break and have been keeping her company with movies, music, and fun stories. This morning the doctor was the plan since this mystery illness has not calmed down on its own. Since Taylor hates the doctor...and I'm the next qualified answer (obviously)...I pulled out WebMD. According to her symptoms...these are the possibilities for Taylor:

- middle ear infection.
- acute sinusitis.
- influenza.
- migraine.
- depression.
- earwax blockage.
- muscle strain.
- chronic sinusitis.
- anemia.
- postpartum depression.
- tension headache.
- medication reaction.
- bacterial pneumonia.
- excessive caffeine use.
- anxiety disorder.
- nearsightedness.
- foreign object in the ear canal.
- insomnia.
- Lyme disease.

We had a good laugh with a few of these.

Ah, WebMD. Thank you for the suggestions. I'll go with Lyme disease. Those darn ticks.

207. Renovation

2009-03-23T17:57:00.001-07:00

I haven't been here in about 20 days.

I'm not sure why.

Maybe it's because I have been a slave in school.

Maybe it's because life has been making me dodge large stones.

Maybe it's because I have turned from share all to share none. (I say that in the least selfish way possible.)

Buuut it's probably because I keep forgetting to update. Probably.

It's Spring Break. My grades turned out fantastic. The storm rages on with more clouds accumulating daily. I'm okay with storms...they don't last forever. All I want is a slurpee, a donut, and some adventures. =]

Peace and Blessings...

206. Amazing.

2009-03-03T19:26:00.000-08:00

One of the dopest Beatles covers I've ever heard in my life. These two are bananas with their work on the keys and vocals. And this is just a short jam session. Hats off.

205. New Era.

2009-02-24T11:50:00.000-08:00

The world ain't ready.

A true collabo.

Written: Girl Wonder
Spoken: Asoulfoolwonder

Like I said, the world ain't ready...but they might just have to be.

204. Sliced Bread.

2009-02-23T14:10:00.000-08:00

The best thing since. Quite possibly I'm exaggerating however...it comes close. Ah, underground how I love thee. Check it. Fickie Fickieee...

Crumble - G. Love & Special Sauce

Oh snap my plan’s come undone
I’m free falling darlin’ and the rising sun
is brushin’, on your cheek shining steady through the blinds
I thought I told myself that I would take my time
I’m sure I said I wasn’t ready,
she said she wasn’t looking
it’s not my fault that she’s so good looking
but she is just my type
but I was holdin a single light that
I plan to follow
but she says she’s emotionally unavailable-
whatever that means I’m down with that
she kicked the cat out kid so I didn’t talk back

Clouds are running through the sky
shifting shapes and I know why.
They say that that’s what happens when you’re busy making plans,
wind blows the same I start to understand.
You and I were meant for each other
and we’ll always stick together when the world starts to crumble

Say Hey hey
Let me hear you say hey
You can fall on me

Two weeks past and I still didn’t call,
but your name was in my brain like graffiti on the train
I wanted to hit ya up, but I didn’t have your number
I saw you on the bus but you were chillin’ with some other guy
I was like damn, I was jealous,
but you gave me a look
and you smiled just the same
and three hours later, my phone did ring
and it was you telling me would I like to chill
at this bar on the block that was real laid back
and I’m like, “yea it’s on”

Clouds are running through the sky
shifting shapes and I know why.
They say that that’s what happens when you’re busy making plans,
wind blows the same I start to understand.
You and I were meant for each other,
and we’ll always stick together when the world starts to crumble

Say Hey hey
Let me hear you say hey
You can fall on me

When no one knows what tomorrow will bring,
but you can fall back on me when you can’t win.
This world is moving faster tougher every day,
aw baby just take a deep breath and let your troubles all fade away.

I showed up late that really T’d her off.
We couldn’t agree on much but the vibes were strong.
Basically I fell in love with those big green eyes,
you can say what you want cuz I was mesmerized.
Now three years later and it feels so fresh-
We stick together, sunshine, stormy weather.

Clouds are running through the sky
shifting shapes and I know why.
They say that that’s what happens when you’re busy making plans,
wind blows the same I start to understand.
You and I were meant for each other,
and we’ll always stick together when the world starts to crumble

Say Hey hey
Let me hear you say hey
You can fall on me

=]

203. iWrite.

2009-02-08T22:15:00.000-08:00

out of all the silly places
the less concerned and cornered traces
of bread crumbs that crumbled beneath my fingers,
i thought i picked up those pieces
the last time i traveled home for peace
as i release the last dying breath of something new
i knew it was too good to be true.

for the rain seeps in as you seep out
and the nothingness of people still fill me with doubt
i took all our pictures down
noise outside and i still hear no sound
mewithoutyou is the only phrase that will resound.

ashes to ashes and dusk is what i trust
the blackness of the night and the feeling of lust
i walk crooked pavements wishing something would refocus,
this town seemed so simple before the thoughts plus one
to one who won its hard so hard when i was unknown
all full of wine, the world before the show
was really quite sober with no place to go.

for the rain seeps in as you seep out
and the nothingness of people still fill me with doubt
i took all our pictures down
noise outside and i still hear no sound
mewithoutyou is the only phrase that will resound.

and here i am now, rivers of ink to document
the document of ages snap back, relapse, and confess
its just stress.
muster up the courage to settle where i choose,
muster up the courage to hold it in while i still lose
breathe out and let it go because my soul is hardest to bruise.
if i could say sorry,
and i can say sorry,
it wouldn't be because i'm sorry.
so i hold my mouth with tape
pen to paper as a scrape
the words flow fingertips
theres a quiver in my lip
please dont forget this tip..

for the rain seeps in as you seep out
and the nothingness of people still fill me with doubt
i took all our pictures down
noise outside and i still hear no sound
mewithoutyou is the only phrase that will resound.

a very much needed flow session. thanks for the inspiration.

202. Back

2009-02-08T15:16:00.001-08:00

lack of words, hardly lack of verbs but when it comes to slinging sayings i come cuttin curbs never meant to hurt you badly it ended me hurtin sadly, sadly i dont think i care give me another reason cause i already have my reason for air.

- girl wonder

verse coming soon.

meantime...

AX. one of the craziest word surgeons in the game right now and no one even knows it. his accomplice on this piece is tyler from gym class heroes. watch for him this year. nothing cuts deeper than true words.

201. Temptations Twist

2009-01-25T19:33:00.000-08:00

Things have been hectic. I wish things would slow down a bit, but in true Girl Wonder fashion they cant..and wont. That's all okay with me. Since I can't slow down...I like to watch things that CAN in fact slow things down. J-Boog is one of my favorite artists and soo many people sleep on this dude it's unreal. So I'm here to get you up to speed on him and wake ya up with what he does. True Island music. One of my favorite songs...he does it justice in his own way.

Have a smooth week everyone. Peace and Blessings.

200. Thank you.

2009-01-21T10:23:00.000-08:00

Thank you....for reading. I say it often, but probably not often enough. I figured I needed something big for 200 posts but...thanks seemed to be crawling in my mind. I'm still not sure of everyone that reads this. Ill probably never know that answer. Just know that I do appretiate it, and I notice it. Thanks a billion. Means the world to me.

Ever to excel,
GW

199. Underneath it all.

2009-01-19T20:18:00.000-08:00

I guess people start at the beginning. It makes the most sense, you could probably follow this a little easier. Truth is...this has no beginning. The beginning is for me to know. The beginning is for me to hold on to. I should just explain my present to you. I should tell you that every morning when I wake up it's ten times better than when I went to sleep the night before. You can imagine how that is day after day. I should tell you that when someone asks me how my heart is doing I tell them it's "lifted"...nothing more...nothing less. I should tell you that I've never been at a loss for words, and now I dream of writing and I dream of words and I go to put them down on paper and nothing that I write is a good enough description for anything that I'm feeling. It falls short...every time. I should tell you that it doesn't really matter because I feel that. For me to even say that I'm at a loss for words should be the description itself. I should tell you that there's nowhere else I'd rather be. The constant wanderer has sat cross legged under a street light in this dark alley of a struggle. I should tell you that the street light is a metaphor...and I hope you can figure out the underlying tones. I should tell you that I gave an award to someone today. I should tell you that I mean every word that I say. I should tell you that I'm happy.

I should tell you all of that.

I wish that a window shone through my heart to play the part of a screen play. I'd be first in line at the ticket booth, front row center, and pack snacks for days as I'd daze in and out of reality while my reality...is...just that. Just that of perfection- slighted by physical perception to see that good things really do happen to good people in good time. I'm instructed by it from it while it ticks away the ticking time of day and I'm the first to say and the last to stay but this time I'm backwards. You were first and I followed leads that led me through broken trees into a breeze that I had prayed for since I discovered what attraction was all about. There's something about your voice. Something about the way you say Ashley or half that or just open up to start to speak when I can peek past that mask that I've finally gotten under to get under some skin and feel what it feels to feel. Past your voice to the hands with the touch second sense makes sense that tense is a word seldom used while around you and you...touch me...down my arm interlocking fingers and we interlock a gaze and raise everyone else's level of wishing on shooting stars but baby I've shot mars...past this galaxy of waisting time into something known as "what's yours is mine."

At night, I used to wish that the stars would whisper my prayers to the heavens because I was afraid my faith wouldn't stretch far enough. The stars must have screamed and shouted my words.

I should send a thank you card to those stars.

198. I almost forgot...

2009-01-14T14:58:00.000-08:00

my password into blogger. hahaha. oh, me. i suppose that's what i get for not posting in almost a month. yikes.

Happiness is...
- red sweater and his antics.
- finding my wwjd bracelet again.
- my ninja turtle toy.
- my dino toys.
- making my dino toys fight.
- ipod.
- blue full throttles.
- new classes.
- peanut butter sandwiches.
- red blinking berry.
- a clean car.
- dark denim.
- black earrings.
- 70 degree weather in mid january.
- throwing for the first time in a year.
- jasmines.
- telling jking im getting dreds.
- planning on getting dreds.
- just kidding.
- wake up calls.
- my cave when there aren't clothes on the floor.
- getting a job.
- making money.
- life plans.
- new sweaters.
- songs with purpose.
- quotes from philosophy.
- reading a giant book.
- slippers.
- black socks.
- half cabs.
- having little care.
- good days for my hair.
- waking up like a bear.
- not having to swear.
- my big comfy chair.
- believing in the program d.a.r.e
- finding another person like me in the world...thats..rare.
- rhyming so good it gives you a scare.
- enough of that.
- popcorn.
- hot cheetos at anytime of the day or night.
- water.
- buddy wakefield.
- ronald takaki if he didn't write such a large book.
- green.
- brooklyn girls.
- pens that don't smear.
- american idol.
- my ukulele.
- wanting to be in a band.
- dreaming.
- kaitlynn still being home.
- missing people and then seeing them.
- cassaud forever and always.
- talking about my birthday.
- plans for the zoo.
- dinosaurs.
- slumdog millionaire.
- music from slumdog millionaire.
- believing in things again.
- parking stalls that don't make me walk 5 miles to class.
- sweats.
- braids.
- making random friends at school.
- clucks and fries.
- financial aid checks.
- boxing.
- money in the bank.
- shawty whatchu drank?
- applauding.
- big smiles.
- laughing until i cry.
- praying.
- wanting to skip everywhere i go.
- singing everything i say.
- talking in song lyrics.
- pie.
- banana cream pie.
- good news from doctors.
- brushing my teeth.
- mustard.
- wanting to play ps2.
- sunshineeee.

hello. so sorry for the lack in posts. kind of. see, my computer has been broken for a while and i haven't gotten a chance to get on. not to mention the pounds of homework that consume my life from here until eternity. oh well. i'm working on a little something that i will try and post by this weekend. until then...here's something i found useful for this week..and every week for that matter...

smile. =] peace and blessings ya'll.

197. 2008

2008-12-29T16:53:00.000-08:00

As the year comes to a close this week...I've decided to recap a little bit. Not recap by paragraphs and stories. I don't have time to regale you with all of it. Besides...I'm a list person and you seem to digg lists much better anyways.

Fav Movies I saw in 08-
*Bella
*Dark Knight
*Wanted
*Horton Hears a Who
*Kung Fu Panda
*Iron Man
*House Bunny
*Sex Drive

Best Albums of 08-
*Taylor Swift
*Lil Wayne
*Gym Class Heroes
*Britney Spears
*Fall Out Boy
*John Legend

Shoes of 08-
*Vans
-lace ups
-half cabs

Best Songs of 08 (take it for what it is, i could go on for days)-
*Brooklyn Girls - Charles Hamilton.
*Acapella - Brandy.
*Heart Songs - Weezer.
*Whether or Not - Gabe Bondoc.
*This Boy - James Morrison.
*Lollipop - Lil Wayne (yaya..you sang it too)
*Waledance - Wale.

Breakout artists of 08-
*Lil Wayne
*Katy Perry
*Keri Hilson
*The Dream

Unsung Band of 08-
*Hey Monday (mark my words...09..everyone will sing them and i'll sit back and call them old school. ;)..)

Poets of 08-
*Buddy Wakefield
*Andrea Gibson
*Shihan

Man of 08...09...and beyond...
*Barack Obama

To wrap it up...90% of music this year was whack. All of it sounded the same, talkboxes were and are everyone's favorite new singing method, and if it wasn't one or the other...lil wayne was in the song using the talkbox voice instead of rapping. Go figure. Movies did major breakthroughs as far as story lines, plots, actors...yadayada. Vans stayed current and I grew out of my jordan phase. Poets became people I trusted...ironic. And finally...I stood up and became a proud proud American for the very first time in 20 years.

This year was wonderful. As is any year. One year older, one year wiser. I'm looking forward to 09 just as much as I was looking forward to 08. Lil Wayne will still be everyone's guy...but maybe I'll become everyone's girl. I'm going to say that Eminem is going to make a return and it might be huge. Kanye will put out another album that people will complain about but still buy and listen to. I will move out (ohhhh dream big girl wonder). My diploma will become more of a reality. I will fight, I will love, and I will grow. Each passing day is something to reflect upon and use for the following hours, days, months...year.

I will ring in the new year with people who mean the absolute world to me. What a good place to be. What a cool life to live.

Thanks everyone for reading another year of this thing. Like I always say...and you can probably say it with me by this time around....it means everything to me that you put your eyes where my heart, mind, and soul has been.

Love the life you live, and live the life you love.

peace, blessings, and continual growth for the new year...

GW

196. Best Christmas Present You'll Get....

2008-12-22T21:27:00.000-08:00

You're Welcome. =]

Love,
Alvin, Simon, and Theodore....oh wait...Ashley, Kaitlynn, and Taylor

195. Just about a week...

2008-12-17T10:04:00.000-08:00

Christmas is coming so faaast. I've been enjoying every single minute of the coming holiday though, I must say.

I can't even apologize for not being on this anymore. Because I'm not really sorry. I guess I've stopped writing about running and started to stop where I'm supposed to be. Just sayin. As if that made any sense at all.

Happiness is:

- Just about a week left until Christmas.
- Lights.
- Lights on houses.
- Lights on trees.
- Our big tree.
- Ornaments.
- Snow pictures from Jenny.
- New music.
- Christmas music.
- Tonsils shrinking.
- Keyshia Cole and her amazingness.
- Blackberry.
- Kaitlynn being home for 6 weeks.
- 3.8 GPA. =]
- Family time.
- Water.
- Hot cheetos even though I haven't had them since OCTOBER. I know..
- Peanut butter Captain Crunch.
- Sweats.
- My new slippers.
- Buying gifts for people.
- Buying gifts for those who need it.
- Christmas cards.
- Apple Fritters.
- Bumping into old friends.
- Books.
- New jeans.
- Green.
- Dani and my movie date.
- My big bed.
- Sleeping.
- Waking up smiling.
- Being thankful.
- Knowing they are proud of me..
- Laying in bed until 2.
- My iPod.
- B. Spears new cd.
- Having Taylor do impressions of Stass.
- Stass finding it funny.
- Cookie day.
- The Grinch.
- Ba hum bug.
- Kidding.
- Moccasins.
- Burts Bee's.
- Kaitlynn shopping with me.
- Taylor calling me Al.
- Candy Canes.
- New friends.
- Mid day texts..just because.
- Potatoes.
- Tim Tams. (look them up)
- iTunes.
- Burberry.
- Scarves.
- WWJD bracelet.
- Jenny coming for dinner.
- The Holiday.
- Sitting by the fire.
- Cloud 9.
- Enjoying where I am at.
- Looking forward to the new year.
- Tasha helping me each morning with a verse.
- Goodmorning phone calls.
- Vans.
- Dressing up.
- Dressing down.
- Victor coming back into town.
- Not being afraid of any clown.
- Making Jennys snow picture my background.
- Love makes the world go round.
- Goodafternoon phone calls.
- Chelsie Hightower. (you thought I forgot..)
- Getting a new Carrie Underwood poster.
- Cleaning my desk.
- Cleaning my room.
- Cleaning my car.
- Being clean.
- Showers.
- Soap.
- Perfume.
- Cologne..
- Good teeth.
- Goodnight phone calls.
- Fluff and stuffs.
- The biggest loser finale because the girl who won..was cute.
- My Grandma.
- My Grandpa.
- My Aunt getting here yesterday and staying for a long time.
- Cold weather.
- Funny people.
- Happy people.
- Saying Merry Christmas.

I have lots to be thankful for. I am blessed. I am overly blessed. I thank God every single day for what I have and what he has given me. It's my job to turn it into something that works and keeps working every single day. Remember that...if you are given the tools...it's your job to figure out how to use them. I hope everyone has been enjoying this season. It's kind of cool to see everyone so excited for something all at once. I vote we act this way all the time. Unrealistic? Maybe. But I believe that even more than that...we are excited that everyone else is excited. Kindness is contagious. Try it. It's a good look for everybody.

Peace and Blessings ya'll.

194. Finals = Finished.

2008-12-10T13:57:00.000-08:00

Soooo here comes my excited schpeal about how much I absolutely love Christmas...

Wait...on second thought...I'll just post something that I think is incredible.

This guy usually sings and writes all his own stuff. Super talented. This time he just did an instrumental and in keeping with the spirit...I thought I'd post it. He does both the piano and the sax in this video. Quite good...maybe he's the next Kenny G.

All he needs is my trumpet in there and we'd make it a hit. ;)

193. Finals Week

2008-12-08T20:12:00.000-08:00

...and this is what I'm doing...

hahahahaha.
you're welcome. =]

192. Word? Word.

2008-12-06T20:54:00.000-08:00

I've been meaning to write you something, but my carefully, hand-stroked words get lost in the wonderment of your light eyes - and I become somewhat of a speechless wanderer, misplacing my thoughts before you. But before you even became a heart-kissed realization, your form enlightened me. This was times ago. Kicking up lust that must have been born amongst the months I cried for, for someone else's problem that so feverishly became my entanglement...but that was just initially. Because you now know we are a much deeper us, and I’d like to have it no other way than a few more thousand leagues under from what I see.

You see, you are a beautiful abstract obscurity, facing the sun like no other person can stand against the hot circle of light. You are lovely in something a bit brighter. You bring peace to the days that are dark simply from radiance.

And understand, this doesn't resemble a storybook.
It’s not you calling for me, it’s me falling for you while you make every precautionary effort to keep me safe from breaking.
It’s you showing a feeling, and me showing equivalence, and us singing an off tuned melody that represents it metaphorically.
And sometimes,
It’s – you telling me that writing is not your forte...and the lost words that drip from the back of your mind become somewhat of a forever-neverland. I must guess what thoughts pour from your soul. I'd have it no other way.

Now, I’m obviously not perfect, and even though your writing is not - I think you are – because faith tells me to say so and faith has brought me good things and, face it, you’re perfect proof that faith misleads not.

So tonight let me crown you with my whispers while you daze between a sleep and dream’s end. “I enjoy you”, I’ll say. Above you, I’ll sway my pendulum of a once broken but now bandaged, healing heart. Because in this simple slumber of you – I’ll swear in the silence you save me. And you’ll save me still because it’s written on the walls with your signature below, cocking your hands back and elbows tucked like Muhammad Al-cut a – fool – for hurting you. And trust – I will cut a fool for hurting you - myself included.

So...thanks - giving my eyes the sweep when wet, you've allowed my vision to refocus. And when storm clouds hover over my existence, expected, you blow a kiss like high winds over summits. And sometimes my heavy heart sprouts sharp edges, but you stay to chisel away the uneasy until calm, again, resembling a lighter version of the pitter patters that keep the rhythm of my body. "Home is where the heart is," they say, but the phrase's just as beautiful in reverse because I feel it, now. Beating chest not empty.

So thank you.

191. A little bird told me...

2008-12-02T20:46:00.000-08:00

that every person in the world is stressed this week. I'm not sure what it is. Maybe it's the fact that for students the semester/quarter is winding down. Projects are due, homework is handed in, tests are being prepared for, registration is being completed. Maybe it's the fact that for the work world we are in a recession...have been for a year now..and they are just announcing it. Maybe God is shakin' this place up for some unknown reason. I can digg it. He's allowed to do a little something like that. It's a test.

What I'm trying to say is...go with it. Don't go against it. Don't try and race it. Don't stay back and follow it. Move with it.

December has me feeling a bit different. Good different. Tis' the season I suppose. =]

I know this is short...again. Maybe it's becoming a pattern with these short little posts. I usually have oh so much to say and then I come on here and realize that I never really did have much to say.

Two things I never (I can't say never because I have written about it before) but...almost never write about on this blog are religion and politics. I steer clear because this is more of an unbiased place to get a good laugh or a little pick me up from my music or words or whatever you use it for. I've chosen not to make this my little high post to come and preach my feelings to a choir. That's not my place. However...I did make an exception a few weeks back in writing about Obama and I will make an exception with this blog- in the case of religion. All I will say is...

"Know God, Know Strength. No God, No Strength."

With this said...God can be whomever...or whatever you like. I leave that up to you. I'm using God as a figure to believe in. I believe in numerous things. My advice? believe in something. You'll get much further if you do.

My inspiration for a day like this...I hope you enjoy it as well.

Peace and Blessings ya'll.

190. a one, a two, a one two three fouuur...

2008-11-29T18:35:00.000-08:00

somethin' like that. =]

189. Any day that starts with the word "happy"

2008-11-28T10:55:00.000-08:00

means you have to act that way.
- my father

haha that was the quote of the day yesterday. It was a happy day yesterday...to say the very least. To say the very most I'd need more of a platform and a longer time period to write this blog in. Thanksgiving was a success. You all know how I feel about family...my family in particular, so I won't go into the sappiness of it all right now. It was a good day though. Found out the entire DeGrano clan will be together on Christmas. People flying from all over to meet at the mothership (grandmas house) and enjoy each other's company. That hasn't happened since I was...very very small. Should be one of the best Christmas' yet. Speaking of Christmas, anyone playing music yet? I'll get a few blogs up here with some playlists you can blast around in your room. Meanwhile, I suppose I haven't done one of theeeese in a while...here you go. Trying to tie in with all of the small things I'm thankful for.

Happiness is...

- sweaters.
- telling jokes to kaitlynn via telephone.
- rain when i can stay inside.
- lunches compliments of gma.
- the quarter dwindling down.
- having the highest grades ive had since...wow..
- playing the trumpet.
- listening to taylor play the piano.
- captain crunch.
- turkey and mashed potatoes.
- wine.
- watching kaitlynn take more wine...more wine...more wine..
- watching my mother watch kaitlynn take more wine...more wine...more wine..
- family.
- going to the movies.
- clean rooms.
- clean cars.
- clean houses.
- house slippers.
- cookies.
- mr pickles.
- having text convos with my dad.
- any pie.
- pumpkin pie.
- having only 2 finals out of 4 classes.
- being done with one of those classes already.
- driving.
- taylor swift.
- getting sent song lyrics in a text.
- gatorade.
- making a short christmas list.
- realizing im better with what i have right now.
- christmas music.
- finally being able to sing it.
- scarves.
- peasant because his hair is long.
- blackberry.
- green.
- grey.
- yellow.
- kaitlynn almost taking night time cold meds at 11 AM.
- chelsie hightower (you thought i forgot huh)
- writing a term paper on dani.
- burberry.
- sweats.
- sweatshirts.
- comfort.
- viva la vida.
- gabe bondoc.
- violin.
- taylor.
- getting to where i want to be.
- not shopping on black friday.
- shopping...tomorrow.
- money in the bank.
- shawty whatchu drank?
- seeing leaves on lawns.
- san ramon during the holidays.
- movie night tonight.
- old navy.
- good books.
- good looks.
- pictures that i took.
- someone stealing my heart like a crook.
- keeping it safe in a nook.
- getting excited like someone took me and just...shook.
- hallaaaaa word surgeon.
- days escalating.

=] peace and blessings ya'll...count yours...you've got many.

188. Going to try and make sense of this.

2008-11-23T18:57:00.001-08:00

Again, very sorry for lagging so heavily on these posts. I'm here now. Ready?

Poetry. It's kinda my thing. It's one of the only ways I feel I can let emotion escape through me...to another. It works as an exit. I tried writing songs once...but most of those came out sounding like commercial jingles...go figure. Sooo I stuck with rhythm through speech. With that said...I haven't written a poem in about a month or so. To tell you the truth, most of my poems revolve around relationships. There have been many writings that I've produced that have to do with the world, myself, changes, problems, so on and so forth. But for the heavy majority...I write about my heart. I write when it's lifted, I write when it sinks, I write when it's lost, I write when I've found it in another's hands...you get the idea.

Here's the thing. Those poems...the ones I wrote for the moment, were a way to justify who I was with. It was almost as if I was bringing a cement block in and solidifying my reasons for even being with them in the first place. In reality, if those words were all I gave them...those words conjured up for the simple fact of exacerbating myself to try and pull emotion...when I was next to them...it was superficial. Lately...I'm away from a person...or next to a person...and it's different. I'm speechless. I'm wordless. I'm filled with emotion that no one deserves to feel because it's too rich. I'm full of feelings for the very first time. I'm not trying to justify. I'm letting it...justify itself...merely by...existing. I can't box this in like I could with everything else. I don't want to. But I do wish to keep it close to me. I'm inspired. I'm too inspired. I pick up a pen and smile because theres just no reason. The reason is to just be. My reason...is found.

With all that said...I don't want you to think that I'm bashing my poems. I also don't want you to think I'm bashing any of those people who I wrote the poems for. I'm merely explaining a situation that has me doing...or in this case not doing...what I usually do. I am in fact in the process of writing something. It's taking me a while. It won't have a beginning. It won't have an end. There will be no start and no finish. There will be no box for it to sit in. The poetry will come. I suppose before I was pretty concerned with poetry first...and I figured if the poetry came then the feelings would follow. It sounds a little twisted. But hey...I figured it out. I'm glad I did...

Thanksgiving is a few days away. I'll try and post before then. For now I'll leave you with a song. One of my favorite songs sung by two incredibly talented human beings. I'm stuck on Guy Sebastian I tell ya. If you listen to the words it will most definitely lift you up.

Peace, Blessings, and Optimism. =]

187. Whatchu know about it?

2008-11-23T11:29:00.000-08:00

Tell Everybody That You Know - Kanye West Feat. Lil Wayne

Oh..that's right. You don't know about it. Now you do.

186. Celine Dion...

2008-11-19T20:57:00.000-08:00

So the Celine Dion concert got cancelled for this weekend. Kaitlynn cried and I cried....for her. However...the concert is reappearing on Feb. 20th and best believe Kaitlynn, Dani, and myself will be in the nosebleed section hearing the horn blowwww. Magic I tell you...magic. ;)

Another short little post I knowww I knoww I'm lagging I do apologize. Home girl started to get busy and apparently won't be slowing down for quite a while. If I have some extra time this weekend I will hit ya with a little something insightful.

For Kaitlynn because I love her and I am very sorry she can't see Celine this weekend. Soon enough boo. =]

Eyes On Me - Celine Dion

I'm not even about to lie...I'm feeling this song. Go ahead...laugh...but I'm gonna put it on repeat. =]

185. Update.

2008-11-17T18:16:00.000-08:00

Yikes. Sorry it's been a while. Things are hectic and crazy and beautiful.

I've been...

schooling it, schooling it, schooling it, driving it, concerting it, dating it, family...ing it?, being fly..it..ehhh this is hard..

I've been swamped to say the least. But it's a nice swamp. The kind of swamp where I'm not minding getting muddy and wet because there are green frogs and turtles at my feet and the sunrise and sunsets are gorgeous making everything okay. Yeah...right where I wanna be.

In upcoming blogs I will tap into the concert (definitely up on top 5 things I've experienced), give some new music away (I came across weezy's new mixtape and might have found kanyes album...you don't have that yet.), a thanksgiving blog much like last years with pictures and wisdom and fun, and possibly talk about what has a girl like me changing her mind about the cynicism of the world.

For now...I have to depart and finish up some work. I hope everyone has been feeling blessed and real lately. Good vibes all around. Thanksgiving is next week people and I KNOW I am not the only one excited for it. =]

And because he is quite good at what he does...those darn Aussies..I wanna go back..

184. A swift kick...

2008-11-11T18:28:00.000-08:00

I was feeling very brown today...

I like days off. I get to do things like be a fly by night, do a little aimless shopping for face wash and hanes shirts, and see old pals and stomping grounds.

Oh...best of all? I get to buy things like the Taylor Swift cd.

Country isn't my thing normally but I have my favorites. Carrie and Taylor are quickly becoming my leading ladies.

Ever pop in a cd and for just a few minutes feel like everything is just...that good? It doesn't matter what's playing...the point is...that it is playing. For me, some of these songs make me believe that there are still a few good song writers out there that believe in feelings rather than sexual frustration, drinks at the bar, or a fine girl walking by. She's telling a story. Her story. I suppose I related because that's what I do in most of my writings. I write for myself. Ergo...I write for you. You've been there. I incorporate you because it's easy to do so. Makes you enjoy what I do. So...with that said..go pick up Taylor Swift's cd. It makes me believe in music. These past few months music has really stepped its game up. John Legend aaand Taylor Swift with the truth. Can't get any better than that.

Breathe - Taylor Swift

Makes me remember everything I once lost and inevitable truths that shouldn't be fought. Pretty powerful stuff.

183. I reaaally should be reading...

2008-11-09T13:47:00.001-08:00

about relational communication.

I'm not.

So here here here.

Happiness is..
- headbands.
- my financial aid going through.
- me beating heads to get that financial aid.
- my northface backpack that holds up during rain.
- not being sick anymore.
- coldbusters from jamba.
- v8 fusion.
- the blackberry going 2 days with no charge.
- demi lovato.
- winter quarter sign ups going smoothly.
- getting all the classes i needed.
- being excited about those classes.
- thanksgiving being weeks away.
- only having 4 more classes of my tuesday thursday days.
- road trips with a co-pilot.
- making kaitlynn happy.
- loving dani for eternity.
- real talks with dani and marti.
- hot cheetos as a gift. knows the way to my heart apparentlyy.
- babysitting quentin.
- having quentin love flashlights as much as i do.
- playing with flashlights on the wall.
- wanting a new cow drawn on my wall. anyone up for it?
- passing all my midterms with B's and above.
- halla at straight A's.
- driving.
- rapping while driving.
- old navy sweaters.
- corduroy pants.
- pumas.
- carrie underwood being a week away.
- celine being two weeks away..wait what?
- hacky sack.
- good morning texts.
- my big bed.
- relational communication dialogues.
- writing a bomb news article.
- election talk.
- oprah and her loud voice.
- a new cd made just for me not by me.
- youtube and the countless hours it distracts me.
- singing "do i have a girlfriend? technically no. if you'll be my girlfriend, then i'll make it so. you'll be my only true lover. no competition no other." to dani and kait 50 million times.
- them telling me to shutup cause i'll wake everyone up.
- not waking anyone up because of it.
- they loved it.
- j saying she didnt hear me singing it to save me.
- her really hearing me.
- popcorn.
- naps.
- good dreams.
- having tuesday off.
- the new blackberry bold.
- the new blackberry storm.
- burts bees.
- making random friends in the library.
- seeing old friends on campus.
- realizing i have a lot of sweatshirts.
- realizing most of them i never bought.
- ed hardy.
- saying things like "i got 99 problems but..."
- my laptop.
- my wireless connection when it says excellent.
- rice.
- knowing it fell into place how it was supposed to.
- my blackberry case.
- becoming speechless.

Oh how fun that is.

Currently listening to:

Anything and everything by this dude. Ya'll should already know that though. I stay with this guy.

""I see you find that funny...I'd love to buy you a drink but I got bent and spent my money
But would you kindly accept a rain check? Perhaps some deep chit-chat?"
She didn't think twice nodded her head and said "I'm with that."
"By the way, you got some matches?"
She's like "No, but theres a lighter right in front of you."
And now we're both gigglin', this girls so crazy got my gullet jigglin'
Fiddlin' with my feelings like an out of tune piano-
Like I'm on Ritalin, the way she got my undivided attention
dissmissin' any thoughts of letting this one get away."

182. It's been a momentous November.

2008-11-06T17:17:00.000-08:00

Two days ago we chose a new president. Some believe that we have been choosing a new president for quite some time now. I was lucky enough to be a part of this election. I am now lucky enough to say that my first presidential election is the most historic election that has ever taken place in the United States of America. I am a proud person. Proud in numerous ways. I'm proud of myself for getting out there and voting. I'm proud of our country for coming together and realizing that a change is necessary. I'm proud of Obama. I do believe that he has his work cut out for him. I also believe that us as a country cannot sit back now that this election is over and watch Obama try and fix the mess that was created. We must continue to fight. We must continue to come together and work for a change. Obama says "yes WE can", not "yes I can". He's talking to you. Realize that. Sitting in front of the television watching Obama give his speech makes shivers run down my spine even now. The words that he said were not just for the people that voted for him. His words were for every single person...no matter who they were...no matter where they were. What we have to realize is that this is bigger than all of us. I was raised in a home where I truly was able to conceive and believe in the actual idea of an African American becoming president. I was raised to believe in working for the betterment of myself and others. Giving up is never an option. Not believing is never an option. This whole election truly opened my eyes and made me realize that in America, we really can do anything. Possibilities are endless as to what we can achieve if we are passionate about movement and progress. For the first time in a long time I have so much hope in America. There is light out there. Let's continue to make the movement. Be that change. Create that change.

On a different note, Prop 8 passed. I'd just like to point out that it passed by a very slim margin. I know that for many of you out there, it doesn't matter what margin it was passed by because it still means that equality has not shined and been raised up. The way I look at it is this. We as a state have passed gay marriage once before...we can do it again. Even better...we will do it again. Equality is a struggle. But equality is this struggle that has been ongoing since the dawn of days. I'm not making an excuse for it so please do not misinterpret what I'm trying to get across. Instead of focusing on the fact that it passed...focus on what we as a state did accomplish. Prop 8 passed by four points. Four points people. I'm going to go out on a limb and say that a year ago, Prop 8 would have passed by a much larger margin. I'm going to go out on a further limb and tell you that four years ago, it would have passed by an overwhelming margin. So look there...if you still have doubts about what our state has accomplished. We are moving in the right direction. Not everyone is going to agree. That's sort of the beauty of choice and voting and having a voice out there. This will make the struggle that much more powerful. Love is love folks. In the end no one can take that away from you. Just remember that. No one can take away your feelings, your passion, and your love. Those things are unexplainable. Those things are what make fighting for something you believe in worth it in the first place. Keep on keepin' on. The day will come.

Bottom line...all I know, is I want to live for a living. Waking up each morning believing in someone or something- now that is life. As I've gotten more accustomed to the lifestyle of enjoying what I have and what I do each and everyday, these past few mornings I've seen a new ray of sun that I thought was a little lost. I'm glad it's back...it's about time.

"Change will not come if we wait for some other person or some other time. We are the ones we've been waiting for. We are the change that we seek."
-Barack Obama

Grant Park. November 4, 2008.

181. My Interpretation

2008-11-03T14:09:00.000-08:00

It's the sequel to Britney Spears' song..

Get it? My perogative...eh?..eh...very bad joke. It's Monday, what do you expect from a sister. ;)

Five weeks left until my first quarter of my third year in college is complete. Time flies. Literally...I see wings. I'm finally starting to see the horizon where the finish line is for this whole school thing. Its far away...but at least there is something in the distance that is believable in reaching if I power through it. It's a very cool feeling. It's paying off.

As I'm growing...as years are passing...I'm realizing that it's less about who you meet at the institution..and more about what you learn. I'm not speaking about inside a classroom (although that is the point). I'm speaking about what you learn around you. What you learn in those years when you finally start to share a purpose...share a goal...with other people who have similar ones. I say this from a transfers point of view. Attending three different schools is not the norm...I get that. I think it's supposed to be this way though. I'll tell you this...I've learned more in these two-going on two and a half years in college than I have at any other time in my life. It's all about growth. My best friend is the person who shared a bedroom with me until I was 16 years old. My best friend is someone who I met at a tryout for a softball team. My best friend is a person who I met at a park...through a friend. None of those people did I meet at school. For that...it really does make me believe in something a little greater. I'm not sure if fate is the word. Possibly just...a happening...a glance in time. I'm living proof that you will find the greatest people in your life...when you aren't looking. The people that love me every single day...without fail...without contingencies...without grudges...those are the people that I am most thankful for. I was done with having 20 best friends and 50,000 acquaintances when I was 18. I grew up. I learned who mattered. People who can't stick around...don't deserve me anyway. Am I upset that I didn't learn this sooner? No way. Time. Time. Time. Time heals wounds. Time conjures up the meeting spots. Time is an essential mechanism for people to pull it together. I wouldn't have understood this paragraph at 16. I wouldn't have written a paragraph like this at 17. Hell, I would have laughed at this when I was 18. I'm 20...going on 21...and I applaud this paragraph. Who won? Oh...you're correct...I did. And I couldn't be happier.

I raved about the John Legend cd before having it. Now I will rave about the John Legend cd while it sits here on my desk. It's amazing. It's teaching me a lot. Many of the songs are about relationships...the normal...break up to make up to break up songs. A few really stick out for me though. I suppose it's all in how he writes his lyrics. Dripping with passion and purpose, he delivers something that can only be felt if you have been there. Cool thing about the songs...everyone has been there. One stood out to me. It's a duet between him and Brandy. Another little secret, growing up Brandy was my number one favorite artist. I had everything of hers. Shes making a comeback lately and I do believe that John Legend was genius to put her on a track. It was a smart move on both their parts. The song is called "Quickly". It's a love song...but a twisted one. The purpose for the song in my eyes is to explain how this world is making people care less about what is actually real. "Quickly" is trying to make a statement about how we love each other as human beings. At the rate the world is going at...love is a disappearing agent. It's hard to find, and even harder to hold onto. They both beg each other to love "quickly" for the simple fact that they see what is going on in the world. It's a powerful statement. Where is love? How often is it misinterpreted? Too many people come together in a relationship and use love because it feels forced. Although this song talks about loving quickly...it does not give off the impression of a false love. They are simply begging for something real in a world that is so unreal. The irony in the song is not to "love quickly" in the sense that you wake up, find a potential lover, and fall in love. Love quickly simply means don't be blind to a potential. Don't let the agents of restriction make true feelings fall short. Love conquers a lot more than you think. I suppose it makes all the sense in the world. Love...but don't love under false pretenses. Feel...and feel with your soul. Time is not promised to anyone. Love big. Love strong. Love real. Love quickly.

Quickly (feat. Brandy) - John Legend

The news said.

If I had twenty million dollars in a vault somewhere baby,
It wouldn’t matter anyway
Cause the doctor told me that I’m dying slowly
So I guess I got to love you while I’m here baby
Did you know

The news said the sky is falling, the globe is warming
My country warring, leaders are lying, time is running
Lower and lower baby
No where to go...

I know we just met but baby could you love me quickly, quickly
I… want you to love me like you know the world is about to end baby, quickly.

You said you didn’t even know my name, but
Told me we mind as well make ours the same
What do you think baby (no time)
Think it might as well be light years away, oh
We just better land on the stars before they come crashing down cause I heard the news...

The news said the sky is falling, the globe is warming
My country warring, leaders are lying, time is running
Lower and lower baby
No where to go...

I know we just met but baby could you love me quickly, quickly
I want you to love me like you know the world is about to end baby, quickly

Yea that’s right baby kiss me like the world is quaking
Do it like the earth is shaking
You got it baby, that’s right lovely
Fill me like our time is sprinting faster running out of time

I know we just met but baby could you love me quickly, quickly
I want you to love me like you know the world is about to end baby, quickly

You barely know me baby but you gotta love me quickly, quickly
you gotta love me like you know the world is about to end baby, quickly

Oh you gotta love me, you gotta love me
Love me like you know the world is about to end .. love me
Quickly now
The news said the sky is falling...quickly now
Love me, love me.

Have a good one ya'll. Spread the love.

180. Pumpkins.

2008-10-31T22:06:00.000-07:00

Happy Halloween everybody! I hope everyone stayed safe and enjoyed themselves.

Sorry for the lag in posts. I've had a fever for the past few days. I never get sick. I think I was stressing myself out too much for midterms. Who knows. The fever is finally dropping and my throat isn't on fire anymore. Cool. I think my family believes I am the little boy who cries wolf. I'm a hypochondriac. I like to take a paper cut and bandage the hell out of that thing. Can't ever be too careful. No one believed me. That is until I stuck the thermometer in my mouth and it came out 102. "Scotty's on fiyaaaah"...

In otherrrr news. Today I got called a pimp. They used it lightly..maybe even too lightly, but they still used it. I find that word to be a little degrading most days but is it completely bad that I totally smiled while hearing it? Maybe I even stood up taller (it doesn't happen but I pretend). They sure used it in a good way so at least that is the plus. Hmm...oh! Dad got a facebook. He's Mr. Popular on there already with all his friend requests. My grandma got a facebook too. Want to know what's really really great? Your grandma does not have a facebook. She's not going to have a facebook. If you ever believe that the DeGrano's are off their game...think again. We are on top of it 24/7 and that's just the way it happens.

Go vote Tuesday. I'll keep telling you that. It's too important. Too important.

Since I didn't do anything for Halloween except attend a doctors office and have a dance party with Kaitlynn...here are two pics from last year. I made rasta man. Mom didn't appreciate it. Yikes. Oh..I also made pumpkin seeds. From the likes of the picture, I was enjoying myself. Haha

And incase you were wondering what song the dance party was to...only one of the best 80's song ever created duh aaaand a perfect Halloween song.

Somebodys Watching Me - Rockwell

"I always feel like, somebody's waaatchin me" ...get it Michael..go on boy..

179. Seven days left

2008-10-28T19:15:00.000-07:00

Until Super Tuesday.

Haha...I don't even have words for this. That's wassup.

178. It's Monday

2008-10-27T19:46:00.000-07:00

Hi Hi Hi Hi Hi.

Monday and it's been a good one. I got an A on my midterm. Yep, me and my big brain got an A.

John Legend's third album comes out tomorrow and you better believe I will be there buying multiple copies just because I can. If you didn't know, John Legend is my favorite male artist. Go buy it. Just do it. I promised myself I wasn't going to hear full songs before they came out besides green light because that damn song is on everyone's life. However...I did sample some parts to some songs because I may have found the cd before it came out BUT...I was good and didn't hear it all. What I did hear was bossy. Go get it.

People ask me questions. When multiple people ask me the same sort of questions...I answer them here. Here goes...

1. Why did you cut your hair? Are you going to keep it that short?
2. You used to always be on your phone. Now you barely text me. Why don't you text anymore?
3. Do you like school? How do you like your classes?
4. What's your major? What do you want to do with that major?
5. When does the book come out and where can I get it?
6. Where do you find all of your music?
7. Why don't you blog more often than you do?
8. You can sing? Sing for me!!!
9. Who is peasant and why don't you like him?
10. Why...are you...so cool?

Acheeeem...

1. I cut my hair because I needed to step out of a box that was created by me in order to feel comfortable, safe, and in order. I ran wild, told the chick to chop it off, and here I am. Yes I am going to keep it this short for a while. I enjoy it.
2. I used to have two devices. One was a phone. One was a sidekick. I never was on my phone...I was always on my sidekick. I woke up one morning and realized that owning two devices does not in fact make you any cooler. I have just one phone now. Sorry I don't text as much. Sorry it's a little short when I do. That thing isn't attached to me like my other one. Things change.
3. I love school. I am very happy with my decision and it's moving right along. My classes are hard but worth it.
4. I am majoring in interpersonal communications and minoring in recreation. There are many things I would like to do with my major. If you need me to show you a list...I can.
5. Uh...when I know you'll know. =]
6. Secret places. Secret people. And no I don't share secrets.
7. It could be because I'm taking 18 units. It couuuld be because I have nothing interesting to say. Or it couuuuuuld be because that would be predictable...and I am not predictable.
8. Yes I can. And I sing for some people. Like emily...on her birthday. Maybe when it's your birthday I'll sing for you too.
9. Peasant is my dog. His name is Cooper and I don't think you should ask me the question of why don't I like him. How about you ask...why doesn't he like me?
10. No one asked this question I just slipped it in here. I was born cool.

177. Midterms...

2008-10-26T15:43:00.000-07:00

are not happy things. I've decided to write about happy things.

Happiness is...

-kool-aid.
-halloween presents from g-ma.
-weekly "just because" cards from jenny.
-crackberry when its blinking red.
-hacky sack.
-agua.
-ugg slippers...not boots lets not get confused.
-"bella"...remind me to blog about this.
-fitness 19 and their 9 dollar special.
-indian summer with no wind.
-mr. pickles.
-muffins from costco.
-bank of the west statements that are tiiiiny.
-money in the bank...still.
-fridays.
-lil Q.
-school minus midterms.
-dancing.
-singing.
-showers.
-sleeping in.
-bay views.
-gabe bondoc.
-hidden poems.
-chelsie hightower (no i haven't forgotten about her).
-potstickers.
-pops getting that facebook.
-green walls.
-being the opposite of tall.
-buying nothing at the mall.
-when they decide to call.
-not needing to brawl.
-kaitlynn being kaitlynn.
-seeing old friends.
-the moon when you can see the craters.
-laughing.
-feeling accomplished.
-having a big bed.
-my lime green bracelets that don't match.
-gas prices dropping down.
-kanye west and his new works.
-genuine growth.
-genuine people.
-genuine art.
-real apologies with real emotion in them. - hmm.
-coloring.
-voting ahh.
-open note midterms.
-black tea lemonade vente only because its like 20 more cents and you get a lot more whaaat.
-ellen.
-peasant because hes funny when hes angry at someone other than myself.
-driving in my car.
-swimming.
-memories...nostalgia.
-empowering myself.
-jello.
-hot cheetos.
-frosted flakes.
-finding the toy inside frosted flakes.
-having that toy be incredibly saweet.
-nice pens that write well and dont smear because i write backwards.
-getting the mail.
-real talks with stass.
-real talks with kait.
-real talks with dani.
-real..talks.
-feeding the soul with sunlight.
-my soul is always hungry.
-thats the appetite i can handle, it has the best metabolism.
-finding yourself skipping down the street when you were walking before and smirking a little because your subconscious knew you wanted to skip a little...it feels good to act five sometimes. now that is healthy.

oh...i'm the only one that that's happened to? okay. =]

uhmmm...this song is the story of my life.

Heartless (Unmastered) - Kanye West

tell me you aren't nodding to this.

Why does she be so mad at me for, homie I don't know she hot and cold,
I won't stop and mess my groove up cause I already know how this thing goes,
You run and tell you're friends that you're leavin' me,
They say that they don't see what you see in me,
You wait a couple months then you gone' see,
You'll never find nobody better than me

176. And so I sing...

2008-10-23T21:06:00.000-07:00

Happy half birthday to youu,
Happy half birthday to youuu,
Happy half biiirthday dear ashley, kaitlynn, and william shaaakespeare,
Happy half birthday to you!

Six months exactly tick tick tick....

I'm reading a book for class called "The Saturated Self - Dilemmas of Identity in Contemporary Life". It's dense but intriguing. The book as a whole is surprisingly good. I read a part tonight that struck me a little. It's a hypothetical conversation between a feminist and a post-modern man (the generality of a person in today's living society...I say that loosely) Here it is:

F: Who are they trying to scare off? Full of power and manipulative control, abundant resources, speed, complete management. The new army, complete with portable zenises. Pulling the rug out from under the old guard. (Didn't we all want to run out of the stands and..cheer!!!?) Down with the old order...foundations, split into gravity's rainbow/rules shredded ribbons adorning the may pole, wavering in the breeze of breathtaking words/absolute-ly nothinged by the shock-ing post-modern troops/wreaking con-sense with non-sense, parading, pandering, paradoxing, playing. What fun...London bridge is falling down. (de-constructed) My Fair Lady. Where can we jump in? Shall we form around a circle? Can we dance around the fire? The pole? The falling bridges? Give us a hand? Give us a hand? Give us a hand...

PM Man: (All they ever want are hand-outs...give em an inch they'll take a mile. How many inches do they think we've got?) Besides can't you see we've got play to do? It's not easy just going off to play each day you know. It takes practice and dedication and grace. It's not something that you can just join in like that. We've got our ways. Can't you see you'll just muck it up? We're in the wrecking business. What business is that of yours? "You make, we break": We can write it on the truck. Next thing you'll want us to settle down and play house. We've got to be movin' on. It's part of the code. Besides, John Wayne doesn't talk to girls, so adios. "Don't call us, we'll call you."...That's another thing. We don't make promises. Just another word for commitment (the really big C word, the one that gets you behind bars, and I don't mean mixing martinis). Let em eat cake, as good ol' Marie put it. She had a feel for our rap. French of course...Post-modern life is, as Deleuze sez, nomadic. We are all homeless wanderers on the featureless, pos-industrial steppe, tentless nomads, home packed up...Baby, the revolution has just begun. I mean the trashing is in dis-progress. Garbage cans full of rotten fruit, it is child's play. Disciplines to dismantle/Methods to maul/Truth to trample/Origins to emasculate...we're a-dispersing...

Ridiculous, crazy, truth...

Read it a few times and it will come to you. I'll let this one be up to interpretation. Kind of a...choose your own adventure book. I always liked those.

175. worth one thousand words.

2008-10-22T18:54:00.000-07:00

I was going through my laptop and cleaning up a bit. I found some cool pictures from the past 2 years or so. Thought I'd share.

Most of these have been on this blog before in random posts. Like I said before, I started this blog last October...so it's just about that time again to start again with new pictures of Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas, Birthdays...and so on. I'm excited. Oh...and check my fav pic...8 up from the bottom. Miss Kaitlynn..too cool. =]

174. For fun...

2008-10-19T15:43:00.000-07:00

I saw your eyes behind your shades
and I know you take what you know and the rest you evade,
but maybe...you should know me.
I'm just sayin'..
maybe..you should try me.
I've been known to be the moment.
And the very moment you chose to acknowledge the existence,
my alter ego of persistence kicked it into high gear
so steer clear because I race around hearts
and rarely falter when I begin at the start.
I'm not saying place me high up on your hill.
I'm merely saying I notice your glass seems a little empty and I've come with a refill.
Does that make sense?
How about I make cents of your dollar
because a dime like you could sure use a holler.
So let me calmly introduce myself like..
Hello, you. Call me what you see me.
Brown hair, 5'4, laced up, green eyes.
I tend to wear my heart on my sleeve and I can be okay with compromise.
I notice you speak with your hands clasped together,
and I notice that shorts are your preference in any kind of weather-
so whether or not you notice the little aspects of my being...
I'm growing fond of looking at the same things you're seeing.
So maybe one dinner and ramblings of two somebodies can occur.
I'm tired of people just nodding with me and rapping to repetitions of "I concur".
I'm almost convinced you'd be a nice change;
a step in the right direction and I'm willing to rearrange
my mapquest to follow new road signs.
I'll set up my navigation and program the coordinates,
and the little assimilations of us together can be the ordinates.
I know this comes as a surprise and a half
seeing as how every time I'm with you all I can do is laugh.
See words don't come to my lips when I feel uneasy,
stuttering has become apparent and I sort of feel "lust queasy".
But I can't help my new feelings of someone finally making my stuffy world feel breezy.
I can work on regaining my voice if I spent time near you.
I know it's just because my butterflies had been lost for so long and they deserve play time too.
So I can't be selfish and put them away.
They've been waiting patiently to come back out for almost 100 days.
I know I sound ridiculous when I can't make any words come out.
I have everything ready inside I just need to find the exit spout.
Besides, beautiful you should take this as a compliment,
me having no words is something like a virgin...
if you didn't know already they call me the word surgeon.
You don't have to answer today, tomorrow, or anytime soon,
I'm putting this out there for you to consume.
I think you're something special and I think you think the same,
but I know I think I know I think we only have cupid to blame.

=] haha...

173. if you dont know her name it's cool call her this...

2008-10-16T16:32:00.000-07:00

name that tune.

a few semi-important things for today.

1.

Obama deserved the purple shoes. Second time they have left the box.

2. this makes me happy.

3. I just realized that on the 12th of this month...my blog had a birthday. I've held onto this thing for an entire year. How wild. I went back to my first post and read a few from the entire year. This was a good idea. I thought of it at first as a place for random pictures and thoughts. It's funny to go back and read older posts. Lots has changed in a year. Lots will change in this year. I wonder how long I can keep this little thing going. I've actually inspired a few people to start blogs. A lot of people think it's a fad. I suppose it could be considered that. Although...fads come and go. I'd like to think of this more as my outlet...when time allows. I have many mediums through which I enjoy expressing myself. This blog, a personal journal, binder paper, blackberry, napkins, my mind. Haha...if I feel inspired...who knows where I'll be and what I'll have around me to capture the moment. As long as you read, I'll write. Hell, even if you don't read...I'll write. Like I said...it's truly a blessing to have people put their eyes here. Even if you don't like what I say or how I say it. It still means something to me that you take time to read it. Maybe it has helped you through a day...maybe it has helped you through five days...maybe...it has helped you everyday. I'm not really sure. I'm not even really sure of everyone who reads this. Maybe we are related. Maybe you're a close friend. Maybe you're a distant friend. Maybe you're an outsider who I've never met. Whatever the case may be...thank you. Thank you, thank you, thank you all.

"We never touch people so lightly that we do not leave a trace."

172. It's okay, you can laugh.

2008-10-14T13:44:00.000-07:00

Ready for this?

Kristen sent me this picture the other night.

Okay okay. Laugh it out. Then take a deep breath and check it. Lets talk about this puhleaaaase. First off...I believe I was about 12 in this picture. This was my old room in my old house. Kristen and I came up with the conclusion that we had just gotten home from school and we decided that pictures were necessary. First things first....cool hair, Ashley...real talk. Second...my love for shoes has been...like I said...foreva eva...in case you didn't believe me. Here I am at age 12 changing my laces from white to red because during school we were only allowed to have black or white shoes. You neeeeded to have a fresh white pair of converse. I must have cleaned those things daily. Third...cool uniform. Yes I am wearing a skirt and yes it is plaid and yes...I miss it. I was playing two truths and a lie just then..pick out the lie. I like my wall though. Look at it. I have nsync next to some huuge picture of a little girl and faries. I still remember that picture too. Not only do I have half naked guys all over my wall...but I also have a handwritten poster...ehh not even poster haha computer paper written on. I even remember what I had written.."i swear im an angel, the horns are just there to hold up my halo". Oh brother. I was mean muggin' in this too. Why on earth? Haha... I still do that pointing thing in my pictures.

I now look like this...

I suppose age made me more friendly and less hard. Maybe the uniform made me feel hood. Wait, what? Oh who knows, but I now smile in pictures. Hmm...and I dont wear the uniform. Besides that...I look the same ya? Oh and Kaitlynn has always been cute. Especially in her pink hat. I'll try and find some old pictures of her and I. That would be fun.

171. Pink for awareness.

2008-10-10T22:32:00.000-07:00

Its October. Breast Cancer awareness month. I don't do themes on this because that's...not my thing. I just write. However...pink is growing on me and it was time for a change. Digg it and wear some pink this month.

Lately I've been posting randomness. Poems, pictures, videos, playlists. Little writings. Here I am though. Welcome back.

Education costs money. Information is priceless.

That is the slogan I can use for summing up the week in short. I learned that this week. Well, I understood that this week. I suppose I always knew, but when you feel it...it's something completely different. I could go on and on about the difference between knowing and feeling...but that's for another time and place.

For the past two weeks in my rec class we have been performing a series of workshop activities that have us opening up our hearts and minds into places that they didn't necessarily want to go. At the beginning of the workshops I gave myself reason to say that these were opening up my heart and mind into places that they didn't want...or need...to go. I have since changed my mind on that. You'll see why.

We were asked to put our heads down and stay silent for a while. A bunch of 20 year olds doing meditation for no apparent reason seemed a little off when I'm used to jotting down notes in a notebook and reading power point slides until my eyes hurt. It was nice...it was relaxing. We were asked to think of people...any people...who have impacted our lives. The first ones pop in my head and they are obvious. Then...we are asked to think beyond family...to think beyond your best friend. We were asked to dig deeper and think of people who made an impact a month ago...a year ago...five years ago...when we were a child...and so forth. We were then asked to keep our heads down and think if those people were positive impacts or negative impacts. We were told that most would have only the positive impacts in our minds...but the next challenge was to think of at least three people who impacted our lives negatively...or better yet...people who impacted our lives so positively...and then it ended negatively.

Our heads rose and we were asked to jot down names of people that came up in our mind. Anyone who made an impact...a significant impact...write them down. I had a hefty list ranging from close family and friends to past coaches and teachers to severed relationships and those who I only knew for a very short period of time. Once the list was created we needed to choose some people. Any people on our list who seemed to make the most impact. One had to be negative...the rest could be positive. Again I chose the obvious when I did it the first time. After a moment to really consider everything I ended up choosing four. I feel as though everyone's impact on that large list has had a different effect on me...and different doesn't mean greater or smaller. Different means...just that...different.

My four:

A family member. A small child. A lost relationship. A man I met one time and one time only.

Family member: It's typical to see...and not so typical to feel. I'm lucky. I'm probably the luckiest girl in the world to have grown up with her best friend. Not everyone can say they have always gone into a situation with someone right by their side. I can. For that...I am blessed. I am impacted daily through happenings, sayings, wisdom. What I lack...they have. I wouldn't be who I am today without them...and as cliche as it sounds...I'd rather sound sappy than to take someone that means the entire world to me for granted. The impact has been felt since day one and although I can't pinpoint an actual chunk of time that has done the most for me...it is because each new day brings about a new finding within myself...thanks to them. I suppose if I had to sum the impact itself up...I'd say that I've never met anyone so in tune with how they view the world. As righteous and worldly as I try to sound...I'm a small figure in how they can walk through life never cursing the days or cursing other's ways. If I end up embodying even half of who they are by the time my days are done...my life will hold more meaning than I ever thought possible.

Small child: Once a week I am blessed enough to get to spend time with my little friend. Children are cool...for lack of better words. Children are honest. My two year old friend has taught me much about myself. I find myself more aware of my surroundings when I'm with him. He's curious. He asks questions. Where in life am I that I have forgotten to ask questions about what's going on? I sit confused most days as he goes along learning about life from people ten times his age and has no idea that although I'm educating him....he educates me. He gives good hugs. Better hugs than I get from old friends and new friends who think that a one handed hug is sufficient when all I really want to to do...where I really want to be...is held. He doesn't care if I come over in basketball shorts and a sweatshirt. He knows no color, no race, no orientation. He knows his "ash a ley"...and that's that. He's impacted my life in the simple yet expansive way of letting me feel okay to be myself, to let myself be hugged...to let myself be looked up to literally..and figuratively. He has taught me that knowledge is expressed through actions as well as words. He is someone I look forward to seeing week after week. I can't say that about many people anymore.

Lost relationship: They all become lost at some point I suppose. If it's not by a choice in one party or the other, death will part the two until they can be reunited once again in a different space. It wasn't like the rest I must say. Every relationship is different. This one fit the mold of everything I wanted, nothing I needed. That's the beauty of the teaching...you learn the difference between a want and a need. Once you can decipher, you realize that it becomes more of a blessing than an actual thirst. A blessing sounds much better than being parched for something and having it be imperative, doesn't it? Relaxing, calming, escaping, and worth it all come to mind. I wrote poems, I read poems, I held hands, I danced, I sang, I watched waves crash and I made peace signs in the sand. It ended. They became sorry. I became sad. They became not so sorry. I became confused. They became invisible. I became bitter. I then realized that I learned more than I lost. I felt how something real should feel. It didn't matter how it ended. It doesn't matter how it remains. It matters...that it mattered. I will say that again...it matters...that it mattered. The impact was felt with a resounding pulse. My heart is happy that they are now happy with who they have. I truly mean that. The impact is I have learned something that is worth everything. The impact of a negative...is ultimately the impact of a positive.

Man I met: I was 16 years old, a sophomore in high school. We were expected to go on a field trip to the Tenderloin, one of San Francisco's corridors to one of the most eye opening parts of the city...the country..to date. The Tenderloin is a place where homeless live. It is a place in the city where shelters line the blocks, corners are run by drug dealers and prostitutes, and it is a free haven to all who can't go anywhere else. This is not a pretty place...not at all. It is not meant to be. The school would take students down to the main shelter and, for one day, open their eyes. Each student wrote a list of three jobs they placed in order of "ideal" to be put in for the day. Not everyone would get their first choice. Not everyone would get their second choice. But this day was supposed to be what we made out of it...so it was not supposed to be easy. Some jobs were day-care personnel, which meant taking care of the foster kids...playing with them on the jungle gym and such. Another job was packing canned foods for the food banks to hand out. Sorting out different foods and making sure everyone got equal amounts. I had put down these jobs..and ultimately got my last choice...dining room. It was the most intense as far as experience and it wasn't a first choice by many. Me and five other people were assigned the duties of serving food to the homeless and walking around refilling water glasses for them. This hall was incredible. The doors opened up and hundreds and hundreds of men, women, and children piled into empty seats and sat patiently waiting for a meal, their only meal...for the day. I served...observing...wondering...watching. After our service was over we were allowed to have a plate of what they were eating and go sit in the break room. I picked up my plate and walked to a table filled with people...and sat down to eat. Break rooms don't teach you anything. Tables filled with the people who many don't look in the eyes...teach you everything. I met a man that day named Charles. I haven't used anyone's name in this until now. But Charles is very unlikely to read this ever. See, Charles lives on the streets of San Francisco. Everyday at 12 he comes to the food hall for his lunch, hoping that it isn't fish...he didn't like fish much. He carries his only prized possession- his sony walkman disc player and a cd caselodge filled with his favorite cds (no wonder I dugg this guy). Charles asked me why I wasn't in the break room. I told him I didn't know...because that was the honest truth. He asked where I was from and what my story was. I told him I was here on a field trip. He thanked me for coming to serve him and his friends food. Imagine that...I'm telling my story and he thanks me...for something I had barely done. I then asked him to tell me about his life. He tells me its the same routine every single day. He enjoys it...although he misses his old life very much. See, Charles was a fireman. He fought forest fires for a living. He loved it. He had a big house that he had pictures of him standing in front of....nicely dressed with a perfect car that he was leaning up against. He told me that one day it all changed, when he got burned in a fire. He then showed me his arms and legs which had scars up and down them from the burn. He told me he lost everything after that. He never would be able to work again after his disability. He got into some bad habits, made a lot less money than before, and felt as though he lost a part of himself. I cried. I know it sounds insane but..I sat at that lunch table that day crying because I felt him. I saw what I had been missing. Each person has a story. Each person comes from a starting line and ends up in a race that they never thought they would end up on when they come to a finish. That is life. That is beautiful, hard, scream out your wildest fears...life. I left that day knowing I'd never see Charles again. Knowing I might never make it back to eat another lunch with him...as he referred to himself as a "traveling man". Yet Charles left an impact on me that I will never forget for as long as I remain here. Charles was homeless. Charles was burned. Charles got one meal a day. Yet Charles smiled when he spoke. Charles thanked me for serving him a hot plate of food. Charles shook my hand and told me that I was a good soul. Charles doesn't know it...he will never know it...but he impacted my life that day.

I was asked to contact these four people and tell them that they impacted me in one way or another. I could do it any way I felt comfortable...or not so comfortable..but it was something that was encouraged by the workshop. I contacted two out of the four. One by word of mouth...face to face and phone. The other...by a letter. Both were without hope or agenda. Both were for myself. I didn't need to explain the impact they had made...just that they had made one. The other two I have yet to contact...for obvious reasons. Someday I'm sure. Blessings occur each and everyday and this is living, breathing proof of that. I am inspired. I am impacted. I am ever thankful.

Peace and Blessings, ya'll.

170. Poetry Class

2008-10-09T20:42:00.000-07:00

This summer I took an online poetry class to help reach 60 units for transfer requirements. It actually turned out to be an amazing class. It was taught online; my very first online class. I learned a hell of a lot. I believe I used to talk about it before...with that chick who hated my writings. Anywho...I figured slowly but surely I'd share some of the poems from my final compilation. In the end we had to submit five of our favorite poems to her that we wrote in the 6 weeks with her. It was kind of a breakthrough for me. I was so so used to writing slam poetry and slam poetry only. This forced me to step out of the Ashley bubble and venture and try different things. Of course some of my style leaked through but...you get the idea. This is my favorite one that I wrote. We were forced to write a letter to God...or have God write a letter to us. Almost like...a boisterous prayer, if you will. Anyway I thank you for reading it. I'm ever thankful for every eye that glances here. I hope everyone has an excellent weekend. Drink up that airborne...there is a cold going around I can feeeeel it. Hello, fall. One.

Letter up the Ladder

Creator, listen.

Why have you forsaken me?
Jesus said it so why can't I?
Why can't I get a break, just once
before I break the stake to take just one
glance at my pages.
The pages of my life to realize that my life...
is one of the saddest fictions ever written.
Can I take myself back to the factory of G-O-D
so you can see that I'm not so happy
and neither is anyone else?
Give me a new one.
I'm not your puppet.
I am a human.
I am growing.
But you wont let me get that far.
My car is costing my bank every time I fill up the tank
because tanks have taken over the middle east
for peace so they gather a piece of the weapon
to shoot costing us more loot than ever thought
and just like that twenty million innocent people can be bought
out
in a draft.
You wanted this?
You wanted a world where I can't walk down the street
and greet my lover with a hug
because it might bug
old fashioned folks
who poke and provoke the new age of life?
How about a world where money means everything...
even if you've never had it.
Where inner city means poor
and people come knocking at your door
to bring you a bible and preach, teach, and screech
their words telling me I need to believe.
Believe?
Sir. Ma'am. Being,
Put me in a world where things have just begun.
No battle needs to be won
and there's ONE creator
who is greater than what man has made.
I mean money, cars, drugs, sex, power
so every hour someone can overtake another.

We've messed things up here, God.
But it's out of your hands now.
By this time I'm sure you're an atheist.

169. week of the weak?

2008-10-08T15:39:00.000-07:00

No, no no people, I kid. This week has been mad busy though. I feel like a crazy person when I wake up and don't settle down until I'm tucked in...which lately hasn't been until the wee hours of the AM. Everything is wonderful. Like I've said...I'd much rather have 100000 things going on than none at all. As long as it doesn't consist of me spreading myself too thin...it will work.

Kelly told me today that she thinks I'm getting to be less cynical about life and people and happenings. Good for me? Haha, FYI...I haven't always been cynical. I won't stay cynical. It's a phase. A short, short phase. It lasts for weeks at a time and then disappears. Regardless of how long it stays, it's still present. That's no way to live...so I'm thankful she noticed the change. I told her my heart is iced over and that is why I'm cynical. She feels I'm softening up. I blame global warming for the weather...melting the ice off my heart. It couldn't have been done purposely. I kid. Maybe. Eff with me...you become a lyric. Simple, plain, seen.

The debate last night was eh. My opinion...although I try and steer clear from speaking about politics. Too many fine lines that are easy to cross. Finger pointing was apparent...as it is in any political debate. It was a little disorganized. There has been college debates that have held more structure on the issue of "time management". Both parties needed to heed the green, yellow, and red lights. Go, slowww down, stop. Simple? Easier said than done. Therefore I will shut my mouth on that.

Dirty life = Beautiful music.

I've said that before and I firmly stand by it. The best songs result from the worst and or wildest happenings. I agree I agree...sappy love songs still get me. But isn't love dirty? I'd say...it's the dirtiest.

I created a little playlist. I made two cds sunday. One was hip hop. One was more alternative/soul. I combined some songs on here for you all to check out. Use it for dancing, screaming, homework, or...grooving. =]

musac.

"She said, what type of girl do you think I are...
the kind that you meet in a bar?
You think you can get whatever you want cause you some kinda star?
...No I'm a comet.
I just want you, woman.
Hey, if I were you then it would be me that I go home with.
3, the one and only
one thing you ain't considered.
I heard you when you told your girl "ooo he can get it".
Admit it.
You did it.
Let's hop a cab and split it-
I'm kiddin'...
we both going to where you livin'"

haha.

PS...

peasant diggs me lately!!

168. I'll put this in the vault.

2008-10-05T19:49:00.000-07:00

I was going to tell you that day.
yeah...

Instead I drove to a horizontal parking spot
where I sat in that empty parking lot
waiting for the sky to drop,
watching the dark clouds filled with water finally pop
and down comes the trickle of the water.
And do you realize how hard it is to watch my very own slaughter?
Making it hard to decipher the difference between
the drops outside and my tears.
But I won't spend years.
I'll spend a moment. this moment. in the parking lot.

I was going to tell you that day.
yeah...

Instead I trudge down the wrong side of the pavement
heel toe, heel toe as I see the back of every past engagement
with you...or anyone who jailed my thoughts.
In my pocket, steps on the street
I feel your folded written letter-the one that was sweet
so I bend down, and tuck in on the cold ground
underneath some school books I never read-
right next to the kiss I blew that tattooed the sidewalk instead.
It never made it. 5000 miles and it never made it.
The cracks in the cement walkway have turned into small rivers.
It seems the faucet line from my eyes has been severed,
as I watch each wet memory flow smoothly into never-forever.
But I won't spend forever.
I'll spend a moment. this moment. on the sidewalk.

I was going to tell you that day.
yeah...

Instead I lie in my bed watching my breath.
These words that escape my lips are all that I have left
as I've left speaking to people...up to the level headed.
I debate picking up the charging phone
knowing I long for a ring from a completely new time zone.
Hating the fact that regardless of the outcome I still go to bed alone.
If I could just get one hand to press the "h" and "i" keys
I'm more stubborn then that and no one will have me on my knees
so my hands stay put. and my mind is covered in soot.
And things are all foggy and I know I'll wake up in the morning groggy
because of all the things I leave unsaid each and everyday.
but I won't spend every single day.
I'll spend a moment. this moment. in my bed.

And I wish I could tell you I'd see you again someday,
but you're lost forever I swear-
I'll never notice us together- me and you, there.
I took time to keep my heart full of faith,
but you even took the words out the song I used to wipe the tears off my face.

And I was going to tell you that day.
yeah...
I was going to tell you that day.

SimplyCakeWalk (9:10:20 PM): Bold is how we should write everytime...careless even...sometimes even reckless...that makes words scream and cry and smile and just feel alive
Asoulfoolwonder (9:11:06 PM): exactly. too many people are cautious. you cant do cautious while writing. no one will feel anything. and i want people to feel. i want myself to feel.
SimplyCakeWalk (9:15:40 PM): True story.... I don't just write ...I give away. My secrets ...I let the Reader know I too have felt that way
Asoulfoolwonder (9:17:10 PM): it helps them. in turn helping me. everyone has been there. everyone. i just say what their mind has yearned to say for so long. whoever they are. im telling them...ive been there. and look how i have used it...for positive.

167. DONT VOTE.

2008-10-04T09:51:00.000-07:00

five friends....come on people. we are worth it.

166. I joined a club.

2008-10-01T21:47:00.000-07:00

How exciting right? Actually I joined two clubs. Its a new thing. I'm networking myself, haha. It should be interesting. We will see.

I'm watching Pan's Labyrinth. If you haven't seen it...I do/don't recommend it. Its a trippy movie. It's all in spanish buuut it comes with english subtitles. If thinking outside the box is your thing then check that one out. Don't say I didn't warn you though.

I don't have much time to write. This weekend I will come up with something. I had to say goodbye to Victor tonight. I don't like goodbyes. I never understood the meaning. I like "see you later" a whole lot better. That's what I try and stick to saying. He will be back soon enough...and in the meantime I can hit him up like nobody's business on that blackberrrry. He spoils me...

I give you....the Ashley shoe. What are the two greatest things on earth according to me besides the Lord and my family? Shoes and Writing. Ohhhh, okay...they put it together in one! A composition notebook, binder paper, and a shoe. Thank you Victor...and thank you for all the gear. =]

I compliment her on her confidence,
calm, a little more confident, heyy...
then we lose consciousness she say

"i've been waitin' for you, and i know you been chasin me too.
since they kidnapped me from my castle
i been thinkin' of you.
i told a fire breathin' dragon he better not harm me
or be sorry when he meets my one girl army.
and now thou has come to...rescue me.
my knight in shinin' armor, yes you be.
then i was woken up by your SUV."

I said, "see? too beautiful to let you sleep.."

165. got my eyes so low well they damn near closed.

2008-09-29T21:36:00.000-07:00

"You forgot about the house, you forgot about the ring
I remember everything, I just wanna hear you sing
I remember the love, right after the fights
You can't tell me you don't remember those nights
and if I would cry, then you would cry twice
To me you are the brightest star under sunlight
See take away my title, take away my stripes
You give me back my girl and you give me back my life
Give me back my girl and you give me back my life
See this is just a nightmare, so I blink twice
Open up my eyes hopin' she'd be in my sight
I remember the time, I wish I could bring it back
What she mean to me, is what I mean to rap"

-Weezy F. Baby

people do these like they are water up on myspace. i'm doing homework and i can barely finish one without slipping off track. haha here.

To whom did you last give the finger to?
-that does too muuuch.

Are you afraid of falling in love?
-i am not, thank you.

How many hours did you sleep last night ?
-7. minus the text interruptions, dang.

Ever given your all to someone who walked away?
-or ran. something like that.

Is there anyone you trust who you shouldn't?
-no no i got it in my pocket.

Do you think you would make a good lawyer?
-of course. but scratch that i'd make a better superhero.

Do you like winter?
-i do. it should hurry itself up.

Where is your number one on your top friends right now?
-prably preparing for snoooozin'.

Is there someone you can't stop thinking about?
-i'm all over the place so the thoughts get distributed evenly.

When someone walks out of your life, do you go after them or let them go?
-walk on playaaaa.

Is there someone you want to be with right now?
-hmmmmm i like this.

Do you like someone as more than a friend right now?
-that could be fun!

Have you held hands with anybody in the past week?
-whooooops.

Do you think the legal drinking age should be changed?
-naah.

Do you think you're old?
-hardly.

Who told you they loved you last?
-some fly chick.

What is bothering you the most right now?
-my blackberry is tweakin'.

How often do you hold back from saying what you are thinking?
-im mysterious.

What are you listening to?
-aesop rock.

Would you go back in time if you were given the chance?
-hmmm no.

Has a boy put their arm around you in the past 15 days?
-tis true.

Will you be in a relationship in 4 months?
-euhmmm....i dont see it in my planner but hey i might bummp into it.

Do you have a best friend?
-a handful.

Is it hard leaving people behind?
-not so much anymore.

Are you a cuddler?
-depends.

What are you excited for?
-friday friday friday.

What is wrong with you right now?
-no no whats wrong with you?

Ever kissed someone who smokes?
-not regularly.

Do you fall for people easily?
-i might trip but i have good balance.

Have you ever fallen asleep in someone's arms?
-mhm.

What was the reason you last cried?
-i got something in my eye...;)

What are you doing tonight?
-taking notes to help me study. who's getting A's? ohh, okay.

Would you ever dye your hair blonde?
-that would be a mistake.

Do you know anyone who is pregnant?
-yesm.

Have you bought any clothing items in the past week?
-i haven't, no.

Do you sing in the shower?
-i sang...everywhere.

What's on your mind right now?
-my bed.

How old do you look?
-hmm good question.

Are you happy with life?
-definately. i'm solid.

Can you handle the truth?
-i can.

Anything you'd like to say to anyone?
-i have words if they have time. halla at mee.

Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance?
-everyone? oh brothaaa.

Did you cry today?
-i did the opposite a lot.

Do you miss anyone?
-i do.

Last person who text messaged you?
-victor.

Who was the last person you talked to on the telephone?
-im going to go with jennyson.

Who was the last person you had a picture with?
-uhmm kait or dani.

Who did you last go out to eat with?
-victor for lunch.

Do you have unlimited texting?
-i do.

Where is your phone?
-on my desk.

Who was the first person you talked to today?
-amy. she hooked my liiife up today.

What made you happy today?
-lots and lots.

When was the last time you had butterflies?
-i was standing by my car.

Who in your life has hurt you the most?
-like I'm going to put that shhhht on blast..

Are you drifting away from someone you were close with?
-not so much.

Anything you're giving up on?
-give up?

Have you ever punched a guy?
-yesssuh.

Are you waiting for something?
-hmmm not now no.

Do you have trust issues?
-doesnt everyone.

Do you care what people think about you?
-i'm all too fresh for that.

164. Test one already?

2008-09-28T23:15:00.000-07:00

Yikes. Welcome back was more like a swift kick with an additional ten books to carry around in my new backpack. That's right...new backpaaack. I tried to find a green one. I then decided green was out and north face was in. Stylish!

I was eating dinner tonight at my grandmas. She turns to my dad and goes "Michael all the nuns are leaving the church did I tell you yet?" He turns to her straight faced and says "oh ya, march of the penguins."

hahahahah. No really...hahahhahhaha.

Dani called me the 8th wonder of the world on Friday. What an honor eh? She's my loverfriend you should be kicking yourself riiiight...now.

I find myself at a crossroads many times in my days deciphering between thoughts that I shouldn't be concerning myself with, and thoughts that could mean everything if I spend enough time that I obviously don't have on them. Let me tell you this now, I usually choose the first one to ponder upon. As do most of us...take a look. There are a million pieces within us making us tick. There are pieces of past (despite the many attempts for humans to claim that they are moved on from it), there are pieces of present, of future wishes (those shouldn't be held too tightly...they will change I tell you), pieces of desire, of loyalty, of truth and lies and the fine lines in between.

I feel like I'm in a silly place with that wonderful Gnarles Barkley music video where the man rips out his heart and places it on the table in front of the woman who just broke up with him. He says "this is yours now". She is confused and he explains that from now on no matter who he is with or who he meets they are in a comparison to that girl until they both find a new person to fill the void if it's at all possible. How ironic and bold and wise that man is. If it were ever that easy, in any situation...to just take our hearts right out of our bodies and give them to somebody who they actually belong to. Anyone knows that the minute they've discovered that the human life can actually feel for another in a loving sense (by loving I mean not only concerning with yourself in a day to day manner), the heart that belonged to one...now belongs to two now and forever more whether it be the same person your whole life...or many throughout years. You can try and take it back...take it back to one...but good luck on that. Mind over matter I suppose. And when the body is tired exercise your mind. What I'm trying to say is that I am in a position now a days that stands back and watches people from a distance. I'm an observer. That could be such a dangerous place. Nevertheless I feel safe for now...in me...with me.

ramble ramble ramble ramble.

I feel like these posts just carry so much stuff in them. They turn from happy to sappy in the blink of an eye and that's why it doesn't matter what kind of day you have...this will cure it.

creative and fun and I just want to dance, dammit. So I shall. =]

"individually wrapped placed in neat little rows becoming a piece of everything that grows, some numbers, a name, to indicate you played the game, came empty handed and left the same, a soul is a soul and a shell is a shell, the border in between is full of everything you felt"

Adios pretty people. Write on til we all say right on. Have a nice week and create some good out there...we all could use it!

Peace, blessings, truth, and some captain crunch. =]

163. Hi new ways.

2008-09-26T00:08:00.000-07:00

This week turned out very well. Classes are better than expected. I suppose it was more positive than I had thought. Welcome to being an upper division.

Thank you to everyone who wished me luck this week. It helped. I'm sorry if I didn't hit you back. The MIA Ashley crept up when no one was looking. It did mean a lot to know that I had so many encouraging me. You guys rock. I lag.

I'm thankful at the end of this school week for many things. My new classes- further, the ability to be able to attend an institution of higher learning. I wake up and go to school each morning and many days act as though its a chore. There's millions of people in the world kicking themselves for never attending college and/or never being able to go (whatever situation surrounded them). For that...I'm thankful I have been blessed with this privilege. I'm thankful for Victor and his never ending support. It's good to have him back. He never fails with the surprises on my car haha. I'm thankful for Kaitlynn and Dani...miles and miles away but very curious of how my days have gone and continue to go. They help me be a better me. I am thankful for Jenny. I'm thankful she is there...whenever...wherever...forever. Lastly this week I am thankful for Taylor. I suppose it really does take a situation to make you step back and realize how precious life and family are. My heart never sank further with that phone call. I always have said that blood is thicker than water...but to actually feel it running on my insides like a frantic panic...that's another thing coming. And how quickly family bands together in situations like that. So beautiful...and so strong. You're one tough cookie, Tay. Take it easy this weekend little brother. You mean the entire big ol world to me and I wouldn't be halfway to where I was or am going without you right by my side.

Mistakes happen. It's inevitable and life would be so trivial and boring without the birth..the rebirth...the third birth (you see where this is headed) of mistakes. I don't believe that each and every person should be sent in a corner for their mistakes. Only...if they don't wish to correct them...learn from them...and move on. I spoke to someone today about emotion. As soon as an emotion is ignited or if you were to go with the latter, cut off....things change. Situations change. Bottom line...grow. Grow up. Grow out. Don't create a pattern of similarities if they are in bad taste. It's just not cooooool, ya knuh?

I'm out after my class at noon tomorrow. Catch me if you can. I'll be invisible.

Peace, Blessings...and Prayers for Health. Have a beautiful weekend ya'll. Create it.